Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/15/2023 8:32:11 AM
The Ant Posts: 10
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Mind
Tic tic tic Go the seconds on the clock And the rustling of papers “Someone please say stop!” “I am trapped inside a nightmare” “I am trapped inside my head” “I’m filled with millions of equations” “Was it something that I said?”
Tic tic tic “Goes the clock I cannot hear” “Because I’m floating and I’m sinking” “I am drowning in my fear” “I am screaming and I’m crying” And nobody can tell On the outside All is perfect “In my head I’m stuck in hell” I am calm and I’m collected I am joyous and secure “In my head I know I’m lying” “Although my reasons are unsure”
Tic Tic Tic And the clock keeps ticking All the voices getting louder “And I know there’s something missing” Everything is moving faster Everything is slowing down “If I scream and no one's listening” “Do I even make a sound?” A millions things have happened “But it’s all inside my brain” “It finally has happened” “I have finally gone insane” We all have tried to reach you But you just can’t hear The clock will still be ticking without you here
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3/16/2023 1:08:42 PM
Jenny Gargarello Posts: 4
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I really enjoyed your poem. I'm not sure the quotation marks add to it or not. I might try taking them out or using them less frequently. The poem seems to die at the end because it rhymes until that point.
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11/19/2024 12:05:08 PM
Deyja Sieben Posts: 4
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I love that! But yes, I also think it would be easier to read without all the quotation marks
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