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12/1/2024 1:00:41 AM Jassiel Avila Posts: 1	Hello! I have just begun to write poems whenever something speaks to me and I would like to learn more abut poetry and how I could learn and adapt new skills or ways to improve my writing Please check out my poems on my page and leave a comment critiquing my work!! Here is one of my most recent works down below A spine within a heart My heart aches within Something pushing and poking in Poking out Knowing out Trapped in Happiness is within trying to seep out Through the little cracks of grey, it seems Gold elixir fading away Into the grey clouds, we know today Pouring with pins and needles That just pins you and kneads you Into A paste that washes away To come back Better grown and better known Better thoughts and better knots New things this time around A spine A spine within my heart Better prongs to use And a lot of power to abuse I thought it came better Yet so it came back worse Worse than the grey clouds and the muddy paste Where do I go from here on out A spine within me I know the pain I can endure The pain it could cause But yet I stay doing what I've done before Will the spine get sharper until it burdens to much within myself Or does death come upon me before the end A spine within a heart edited by Jassiel on 12/1/2024
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12/15/2024 2:52:48 AM Mary Lynn Nakoneczny Posts: 4	So, I enjoyed the lyric. I, too, write similar to this, sometimes. If I may suggest a stanza break after a major switch in concept and/or some punctuations (namely periods and hyphens). This type of poetry can project very intelligent and intriguing interpretations when the form is perfected. I really enjoyed the wordplay Better grown and better known. Better thoughts and better knots. New things this time around-A spine. A spine within my heart, Better-prongs to use. a lot of power to abuse. I thought it came better-yet, so... It came back worse- Worse than the grey- clouds and the muddy paste Where do I go from here on out? A spine within me, know the pain I can endure. edited by Nakoneczny on 12/15/2024
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