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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/12/2024 8:44:09 PM
Tracy Etheridge
Posts: 1
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A Garden of Weeds
My path widens to two great doors,
One chosen, one closed forevermore.
A weighty decision, how can I choose?
Each a dream I would hate to lose.
Once a maiden, a child so fair,
For whom my heart, I do share.
Without them, my heart would surely harden,
But I worry about rocks in my garden.
The other, I feel is an easier road,
An easying of life’s load.
A chance to live as it was meant to be,
Hopefully, to enjoy what is left for me.
Undecided, I let time march on the doors,
While I pondered what each had in store.
If I could just see where that lead,
I don’t want to end with a garden of weeds.
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7/17/2024 7:10:28 AM
Jessica Friend
Posts: 4
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Hello i enjoyed reading your poem and it is very beautiful. thank you for sharing. i wish i new more about this however each day i gain a little more. have a blessed day.
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7/22/2024 10:04:38 AM
acitlak
Posts: 4
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There are some problems with the [de-DUM] iambs here. One can pass this off as iambic tetrameter (de-DUM de-DUM de-DUM de-DUM) by not enunciating the "e" in chosen:
One chos'n, | one closed | forev|ermore.
But if you do that with the previous line you are a foot short:
My path wid'ns | to two | great doors,
This line works better as anapestic (de-de-DUM) trimeter (lacking a starting syllable):
A weight|y decis|ion, how | can I choose?
The "heart" cliché can work in light verse but the inserted "do" could be over the top:
For whom my heart, I do share.
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