Feelings For My Father

"Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them." Quote by Oscar Wilde When I was young, I know I loved my dad. Mom says I even pulled a garden out by yanking pretty flowers from their roots because my father paid no mind to me when I had waited patiently for him to come back home from work, but all I know is Mom says I was lying on the floor and coloring when he walked over me, which angered me, for he said not one word. My mother left my dad when I was five. He was a schizophrenic I’d then learned. That man I idolized through infancy - At least there was a reason for his ways. But still I wrote him letters. Though he lived so far away, four times he drove on out to visit his four daughters, and those times I yearned for him with such great excitement. I still recall one time he visited. He took us to a park and as I swang, I yelled out, “Look and see how high I go.” But he was simply staring into space. Though with us, he was never really there! This happened every time he visited: the feeling he was there, yet really not. He even took me back to Washington. I got to know the relatives of his. Unlike with mom, our conversations paled. For real communication, how he lacked! I did not like these feelings, yet down deep I understood that things would never change. I visited years later; sitting then beside his bed as he was dying slow. His wife was very good to him, but he spoke down to her as if she mattered not. I knew it was his illness, nothing more, but still I judged him, for the things that went unsaid. No conversation meaningful was ever had. Did he even love me? Then came his funeral. As I looked down to see my father in his casket, tears welled up inside my eyes. I thought how sad that for his sickness, he could never be the kind of dad that other girls I know got spoiled by and made to feel important. I cannot blame him for the trials that God laid upon him. And I like to think that when I die and see my dad again, good times of quality at last we’ll share! May 29, 2023 For Writing Challenge - C Quotes - Poetry Contest Sponsor: Constance La France