Daver Austin
ANIMAL COURT
I relate this story from my room in the Quiet Vale Giggling Academy
A reader might find my story hard to believe
BUT!
At one time in my life –
As a matter of fact quite recently –
I had just finished Dr. Doolittle’s great study
‘Talk to the Animals”
And after several months of following Doolittle’s observations
Found I could actually understand animal talk
Which was really just grunts growls and bodily motions –
Tail switches
Chop-licking
Lurches
Farts
Things such as that
Quite by accident
While walking in the woods one day
I happened on a scene
A robin told me was ‘animal court’
Resided over by Judge Grump
At once I noticed a huge lion
Seated on a stump
His heavy tail thumping the back of the stump
“When Grump thumps the stump court will come to order
And when Grump thumps the stump all better listen!” sang the robin
There were a number of spectators -
Squirrels
Possums
Raccoons
Deer
Birds
All chattering at once
So that Grump had to thump the stump many times
Growling horrendously till they stopped chattering
There was no jury
No lawyers
Just this marvelously striped tiger
Tail down
Standing in front of Grump seated on his stump
I assumed the tiger was the defendant
The lion judge began with a thump of the stump
“You are accused of eating your best friend
Is that correct?”
The tiger swished his tail
“Yes”
“A dachshund named Stretch
Is that correct?”
The tiger swished his tail
“Yes’
“Sad” the lion judge continued
“You were reported to have done everything together –
Touched noses
Sniffed out-holes
Even wrestled together
Such fine friends
What could have caused such an action on your part?”
At this point the attending group began chattering vigorously
The lion judge Grump thumped the stump
Thumped
And thumped
As thumping the stump wasn’t loud enough he growled
Finally the crowd quieted
“How could you do such a thing to your friend Stretch
I’m stumped.”
The tiger looked around
Eyes blazing
Jowls dripping
Gorgeous stripes undulating blazing in the sun
Tail swishing in manner of reply
“I was hungry” he said
“Case dismissed!” said Grump
With a thump of the stump!
* Written by late Souper Daver Austin in 2009. We miss you, Daver. Who else could write something like this? (We were good friends and spent hours on the phone during football seasons. The game is not the same without Daver.)
Submitted June 23, 2020 for Anthony Biaanco's "Uncontest"
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