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How do I go on.......... - Kirstie Fontes's Blog

About Kirstie Fontes

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Woman, Libra, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Portuguese, Singer, Writer, Reader, Pepsi Drinker, Texter, Music Lover, Friend, Shopaholic, Picture Taker, God’s Child, Romantic, Brunette, Movie-goer, Meat Eater, Spectator, Day Dreamer, Homebody, People Watcher, Optimist, Sun Lover, Odd Ball, Prayer, Introvert, Finger Crosser, Believer.

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How do I go on..........

Blog Posted:8/11/2013 8:23:00 AM

        Since I was last on here my life has changed drastically. I divorced my husband of 16 years, finally seeing just how toxic that relationship was for me. I was reunited with my best friend from high school and married him. So I'm remarried already and very happy with him.
        My new husband and I were expecting our first baby this September, but this last Sunday my world collapsed. I was 33 weeks pregnant and everything seemed to be going well. All the tests and ultrasounds looked good...however my baby boy didn't make it. His heart stopped beating (and they don't know why), they induced labor and on Tuesday I delivered my stillborn son... I am devastated!!! He was beautiful and looked so healthy, I got to hold him and name him....I just don't understand....what did I do wrong?!?!

         I'm not really looking for answers...just hurting...I will forever love my son Matthew and miss the life we could have had....

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Colleen
Bono

Date: 8/11/2013 7:14:00 PM

My heart goes out to you and sending comfort. Matthew wont be far away from you ever. All the best to you, Prayers, Colleen

Poet Destroyer
A

Date: 8/11/2013 11:45:00 AM

sad to hear of your loss. I have no answer to give. my 21 year old daughter passed the same loss March 23 -13 ..... up to this day, all she does is punish herself and ask, what did she do wrong. I cry for her with her,... I am proud of her, this made her stronger. she still grieves over Baby Bale, who was a stillborn baby at 33 weeks. We will never understand. :-( I held him with non stop tears. I can not explain the feeling that day, nor will I put it behind me. It's hard to explain to friends and family, not only did I see my grandson enter this world without a breath or heartbeat. I felt everything in my daughter die that very day. :-( Matthew is a beautiful boys name...luv...linda

Carol
Eastman

Date: 8/11/2013 9:43:00 AM

He's in Gods hands... You'll see him some day again... Sorry for your loss... Some times those things just happen...

Seren
Roberts

Date: 8/11/2013 8:59:00 AM

Firstly You did nothing wrong, remember that, I am a midwife so please trust me when I say this. Secondly The hurt will never pass just get easier, Most of all you and your husband need each other more than ever, remember he lost a child as well. Your son will watch over you, always at your sides...Seren

Kabuteng P.Ink
K.

Date: 8/11/2013 8:39:00 AM

Dear Kirstie, you may not know me, but I'm familiar with your name from your blogs before--sending you some hugs and prayers for strength right now. I'm really so sorry for your loss :(, I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your husband :(. We really don't know sometimes why tragedies happen, but yes, I think that each second that Matthew was with you, he felt your love. Draw strength from those who love you, and from God. You have an angel with you always now, and he's definitely in your hearts... my prayers & thoughts are with you & your family-- Nikko

My Past Blog Posts


How do I go on.......... Date Posted: 8/11/2013 8:23:00 AM
My life is in a shit house.... Date Posted: 5/23/2012 4:03:00 PM
Happy Veterans Day Date Posted: 11/11/2010 7:41:00 AM
Man's Search for Meaning Date Posted: 9/13/2010 1:41:00 PM
On the issue of taking kids to school on the first day... Date Posted: 8/30/2010 10:05:00 AM
WAITING.......... Date Posted: 6/22/2010 11:51:00 AM
Que Sera, Sera Date Posted: 8/11/2009 9:21:00 AM
I'm Back .... Kinda Date Posted: 12/3/2007 12:48:00 AM
Now I have Pneumonia!!!!!!! Date Posted: 10/19/2007 6:03:00 PM
Thanks to all my Poetrysoup Friends Date Posted: 10/1/2007 8:48:00 PM
Believe Date Posted: 9/18/2007 1:45:00 PM
Update on "First Time Home Buyer" Date Posted: 8/30/2007 11:03:00 AM
In the mind of a Dreamer! Date Posted: 7/30/2007 1:27:00 PM
Busy, Busy, Busy Date Posted: 7/27/2007 4:50:00 PM
Sweet voices calling out Date Posted: 7/20/2007 9:09:00 AM
Thank you for your comments Date Posted: 7/13/2007 3:11:00 PM
First Time Home Buyer. Date Posted: 7/10/2007 2:55:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date Posted	PoemTitle	Form	Categories
5/11/2015	Pregnancy Number Two	Rhyme	daughter,happiness,love,m
5/11/2015	21 and Pregnant	Rhyme	anxiety,life,love,mom,
5/11/2015	21 and Pregnant	Rhyme	anxiety,life,love,mom,
5/7/2015	When Two Become One	Free verse	best friend,devotion,how
9/12/2013	A Mother's Grief	Free verse	death
5/24/2012	A Partial Telling of the Molested Child	I do not know?	childhood,confusion,fear,
5/23/2012	My Plea	Lyric	depression,life,song-me,t
9/23/2011	Loss	Alliteration	confusion,
7/14/2011	Love Unconditional	Rhyme	anniversary,devotion,husb
7/14/2010	Happy Anniversay	Free verse	anniversary,devotion,love
6/22/2010	Life On Hold.....	Rhyme	lifeday,
12/9/2009	Christmas Poem	Rhyme	holiday
11/10/2009	Tattered Heart	Rhyme	loss,love,heart,heart,lov
8/11/2009	The Gift	Rhyme	faith,hope,life,loveme,li
8/11/2009	Sleep Depravation	Haiku	lifelonging,
8/10/2009	A New Day	Couplet	hope,peace,uplifting
4/8/2009	Libra	Acrostic
4/8/2009	Eternal Torment	Rhyme	angst,confusionme,
3/25/2009	My Little Girl	Free verse	childhood,daughter,happin
3/24/2009	Love Me	Rhyme	devotion,husband,loveme,l
2/11/2009	Anxiety	Rhyme	angst,confusion,life
1/8/2009	Slowing Down	Rhyme	childhood,education,famil
8/13/2008	Inspire Me	Rhyme	friendship,hope,husband,l
7/21/2008	Call Into the Night	Rhyme	angst,confusion,death,dep
6/15/2008	Because You Didn'T Have To Be	Rhyme	devotion,father,love,me,l
5/15/2008	Purpose	Sonnet	angst,depression,introspe
3/21/2008	Birthday Wishes	Rhyme	childhood,daughter,philos
2/20/2008	Plea For Sanity	Rhyme	angst,confusion,depressio
2/20/2008	13 Years	Rhyme	husband,love,wife,day,lov
12/12/2007	A Sisters Love	Rhyme	brother,devotion,family,h
12/3/2007	Turmoil	Lyric	confusion,depression,hope
10/16/2007	Loves Embrace	Lyric	love,passion,time,me,time
10/13/2007	Is This It	Rhyme	angst,caregiving,confusio
10/12/2007	Autumn	Haiku	nature,
9/21/2007	Beautiful Shelby	Rhyme	daughter,happiness,hope,l
9/21/2007	To My Daddy	I do not know?	childhood,family,father,
9/20/2007	Forever	I do not know?	devotion,family,friendshi
9/20/2007	Because of You	I do not know?	hope,husband,love,heart,h
9/20/2007	Today	Couplet	faith,philosophy,
8/30/2007	Overprotective	Rhyme	caregiving,family,life,mo
8/10/2007	Longing For Peace	Rhyme	confusion,depression,life
7/10/2007	Soldier	Acrostic	devotion,passion,thank yo
7/9/2007	Family	Acrostic	family
7/9/2007	Father	Acrostic	father
7/3/2007	To My Angel Mother	Lyric	caregiving,daughter,famil
6/28/2007	Life's Path	Rhyme	faith,life,future,me,i lo
6/22/2007	Sweet Emily	Rhyme	daughter,faith,happiness,
6/20/2007	Hope	Rhyme	faith,hope,inspirational,
6/19/2007	Grandma	Rhyme	family,happiness,love,lov
6/19/2007	Screaming In Silence	Rhyme	angst,confusion,death,dev
6/19/2007	Hidden Beauty	Rhyme	love,peace,uplifting,
6/18/2007	To James	Rhyme	devotion,husband,life,lov

My Photos

ps_emilyshelby.jpg

Fav Poems

PoemTitle	Form	Categories
To Believe Or Not To Believe: the Power of Unbelief	Ode	inspirational,life,philos
Yes, There Really Is Monsters	Sonnet	childhood,recovery from..
The Island of Unlived Dreams	Imagism	hope,life,sea,
Molested	Acrostic	childhood,recovery from..
Bipolar	Acrostic	recovery from...,sad,
Mental Shoes	Sonnet	life,recovery from...,sad
Precious Time .	I do not know?	life,time,
Failure	Free verse	political,social,prayer,
Last Sunday	Lyric	angst,introspection,life,
Dry Tears	Rhyme	husband,introspection,los
Thats a Sin	Couplet	confusion,faith,life,peop
Rejected	Lyric	childhood,
My Pen Collection	Couplet	devotion,faith,hope,life,
Infected	Rhyme	introspection,life,sad,
A Date With Destiny	Rhyme	life
The Perfect Moment	Lyric	friendship,hope,peace,rom

Fav Poets

Poet	Country
Emily Fontes	United States	Read
Crystal Bourret	Canada	Read
Sharon Winter	United States	Read
Michael Jordan	United States	Read
Stacy Stiles	United States	Read
Michelle Seher	United States	Read