A Mother's Grief

Sadness and heartache overwhelm my body. My arms are heavy from the emptiness they feel. Where is the child I was to hold on this day. Why must I hurt in this terrible way. Why must my heart be filled with darkness and despair. When will I see the light again. Please just hold me until that day is here. Please just love me and let me know you are near. I feel an emptiness that cannot be filled. My mind overflows with painful memories. I cannot make them go away. I fear that this pain is here to stay. Dreams that are never to be fulfilled. A piece of myself that will never be real. A loving coo that will never be heard. Never a laugh or a cry or the awaited first word. No first steps to be taken. No first day of school. No first time at bat, or catching a ball. For my son, there will be no firsts at all. I am lost in a grief that is all my own. Shedding tears for a life that will never be known. With a broken heart, full of sadness and fear. I love you sweet Matthew. Mommy will always be here.