Short Dark Humor Poems

when expelling demons and sin ~ do exorcists stand up or downwind...

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I am your shadow
I don't leave you in the dark
You just cant see me....

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Keep away from an optometrist
who greets you with a seeing-eye dog.

...

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Waterlogged with life
washed up like castaways on
the shore of old age.
...

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   Terrorists deserve ‘severance pay’

    ~ Chopping off their heads would be ok
...

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A burial, if you’ll pardon 
my irreverent 
though jocular pun
is truly a groundbreaking event.
...

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Mary had a little lamb
To her it looked so nice
But when she cooked it with some ham
It tasted twice as nice...

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Soon after he died
on his gravestone they inscribed:
Born naked, ugly, bald,
died inconsolably appalled.
...

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Testicular cancer is every 
man’s horror. It’s bad enough
his wife has cut him off,
now his surgeon too?

...

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My hat... 
it covers up my head.
It is better that,
then to be dead.
There is a bald patch, 
yet I am fine, 
with my hat....

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Shallow, I am not, Silence the very thought!
I appreciate truly, A woman’s inner beauty
That’s why I dissect them in my basement...

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do
notb
        e
       l
      i
    eve
       i
     n g
          h
    os    t   
  s
b     utt
heyb
eli
eveinme...

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Describing Hell
as cold as Hell
is not a good 
comparative.
And freezing 
your butt off there
is no better 
an alternative.


...

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A masochist plans his own burial
You'd think our man was malarial
  But a fallacy it is
  'Tis pain that is his
Ado for such an actuarial...

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My mother would always say
my father’s brother, uncle Alphonse,
was a womanizer, and everyday
my mirror verifies his resemblonse.
...

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childhood destiny
therapeutic tears shed for
the spilling of milk



John G. Lawless

contest - In a Bottle
sponsor - A Poet Destroyer...

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another year 
down 
the
drain
(d
r)
(a
i)
(n
ddrraaiinn
dddrrraaaiiinnn
draindraindraindrain
anotheryeardownthedrain
...

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Surely you’ve heard of Pandora’s box?
Bad stuff in there, you’d likely answer.
And given world conditions today,
she must have opened a dumpster!
...

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I cried and I cried and I cried
My little pet chicken had died
Mom offers a treat
Delicious to eat
Here's some nuggets boneless and fried...

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As an ancient food the lowly mushroom
was highly prized as an ingredient,
and for bringing an unwary enemy to his doom,
it was a preferred expedient.
...

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why is slaughtering a man ~ viewed a lesser crime than murdering one 

  and why man decides to put an s in front of laughter ~ just kills me


By
David Kavanagh...

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“Et tu, Brute?”

“Who me? "No! Never! Nay!"
’Tis yon Cassius’ gig.
I didn't wanna any part of it, you dig?
Now, please ~
kindly turn your head ~  
the other way."...

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A man with an unbearable need
looked for a urinal with greatest of speed.
And what a display of repeated foul words
when he found one but his pants were on backwards!

...

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                ~ Eclipse ~
 
   Light goes away, then comes back

      in-between, 'paint it black'

                                    ~ Mick Jagger
                      
...

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A man in French is ” homme”;
drop the “h” and add a “p”
“homme” becomes a “pomme”, 
an apple. And if I’m not mistaken
isn’t that how the first “homme” 
got to know “la pomme fatale”?...

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