Ice Cream Gran

My old gran had an ice cream van And a bright green cape and a madcap plan She’s out to save her fellow man And with her walking frame, she can Each night she prowls the felon’s range Disturbing owls and foxes She takes the van so she can change For there are no phone boxes She parks up at the end of night And hobbles home by day’s first light Today she caught a mugger’s sight Who mocked my Gran’s heroic fight ‘Fighting crime is not a game You’re just some soppy, daft old, dame You’re leaning on that walking frame To get some place or other. ‘Without your cape you’ve no disguise Without your mask over your eyes It might be wise to realise You’re just some kid’s grandmother.’ Grandma raised her walking frame Toward from where the voice had came She asked the thug, ‘Have you no shame?’ And with her walking frame, took aim One leg sprayed out chocolate sauce Another leg sprayed sprinkles Then Grandma pressed a button And her van played tuneful tinkles She gave the thug a wily grin ‘You’ll get the slammer some day But today I’ve turned you in… to an ice cream sundae.’