There lives a gentleman from Luff
Who walks everywhere in the buff
His weeny is teeny
He calls it his winky
A stump that can't fill a cream puff.
Ladies would be left in despair
But he didn't really care
He got what he wanted
Frustrated, they taunted
And decided give him a scare.
They tied him to an 'lectric chair
Placed electrodes on you know where
They pulled down on the switch
His stump started to twitch
It stood bright like a giant flare
You'd think he would very happy
Making a stump long and snazzy
The women were smiling
The man was now crying
Wink shrivelled, weirdly and badly
From that day he always wore clothes
With women he instantly froze
He's fearful of leccy
Winky is now Becky
And parades in yearly freak shows.
25.07.25
Why did the teeny, tiny mouse,
With the gigantic size cheese,
Grow as big as a house
And the cheese, smaller than bees?
teeny kitten
having a cat nap
a ray of sunlight
AP: 3rd place 2025
Itsy-bitsy and itty-bitty were going to the fair.
Teeny-weeny and Mr. Leany said “we’ll meet you there.”
Had a strong drink that none of them could handle.
We had to lead them home by horse, carriage and candle.
The teeny weeny arachnid
crawled up my dingy wall.
Little did he know
this would turn into a brawl.
Then I grabbed a shoe
held it high above my head.
And the teeny weeny arachnid
is now officially dead.
*Nearly two years ago, on April 2, 2021, I decided to try ’30 days of poetry.’ This was day two and the prompt was: Read a nursery rhyme poem and make it your own. I was inspired by “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” and decided to change the words to this childhood classic and make it a fractured nursery rhyme.
It seems Scott was just a bit silly
The North Pole is ever so chilly
He’s gone for a burton
And you can be certain
He died with a very small Willy
In the land of Teeny-Brites,
skies are never dark at night
and castles high with moats afloat,
are filled with itty-bitty boats.
Skies of pink and turquoise blue,
reflecting upon waters, true
are filled with cotton candy clouds,
that would make any baker proud.
The trees, alive with curly-cues,
look musical in many-colored hues.
Swinging bridges cross the lands,
yes, Teeny-Brites builders, did well plan.
Doom dare not, befall this place,
for Teeny-Brites, are quick of pace;
These tiny faeries are swift to flee,
anything that disturbs their peace.
Being faeries, they cast dark spells,
upon invasive, ne’er-do-wells.
You may find you’ve two or three,
perhaps even ninety, knobby knees.
The Teeny-Brites, are loyal friends,
to kind souls who venture in.
And you may find yourself their size,
when you leave, your height will rise.
If one time, you’re blessed to see,
this wondrous land, oh so carefree;
you’ll be elated, I surmise,
for it is truly, a surprise.
Oom, bumba bumba bumba
Oom, bumba boo
Shoot the police and
Shooby dooby doo.
Oom, bumba bumba bumba
Oom, wumba woo
Shoot out on 42nd
Doo wacka doo.
Dutch cruller, rich and sweet,
Belgium chocolates, nothing like them.
Scottish kale, made into tasty broth.
New England crab, pride of the Atlantic,
Cuba’s sweet and sour daiquiri.
America’s tastiest eggnog, made instantly sour by the sight of one small dead titter mouse.
One teeny tiny mistake, but I may never drink eggnog again.
She had a teeny tiny heart
It's like she had no heart at all
Impossible to be broken
The heart she had was way too small
He thought if he could water it
Perhaps like a seed it would grow
He watered it with his kindness
A difference started to show
Putting his ear next to her chest
He could actually hear it beat
It became like sweetest music
From head to the soles of her feet
It continued getting bigger
When he looked close he could see light
So he continued to love her
From early morning until night
She has a really mighty heart
The biggest he has ever seen
Yes it's true it can be broken
He is careful not to be mean
The heart is a wonderous thing
You never know who it will love
Her heart now a thing of beauty
Like an Angel's from up above
Another man is drawn to her
Attraction's a mutual thing
It turns into a full blown love
In the end it's sealed with a ring
The hero of this our story
Is the one who gives her away
He's so proud to be her father
This is such a glorious day
Teeny Weeny Little Star
Now I know what you are
Why you live so high
Up above in the sky
Why you shine in the night
Like a Diamond bright
Will come to see you soon
After I've been to the moon
Teeny Weeny Little Star
Now I know what you are.