Spray the bidet all up in your "A."
May you feel way more than okay.
“in the outback”
g’day
bidet
It wasn't all that long ago when a hole in the ground was where people would go.
Many grew sick from lack of hygiene so some one invented the pit latrine.
This greatly prevented the spread of disease. People squatted over a slab
and bent at the knees.
The first flushable was used by British royalty, a toilet that the commoner
would never see.
Chamber pots and out houses were used by many.
They composted the waste and saved a lot of pennies.
Years later dry toilets were used in most homes.
They had a wooden seat as their throne.
Some time during the twentieth century flushable toilets were
in every home you would see.
Tout allure and hello to a cleaner way.
A clever French man invented the bidet.
Is this too much information? Don't go yet.
The end of my evolution of the toilet.
The Statue of Liberty swam away.
She's headed back to France today.
The ladies crown got lost in the harbor.
She cut off her hair at a near by barber.
Some one out west claims they spotted her torch.
Now thousands of forests are totally scorched.
I heard she took some classic Monets and brought
along assorted souffles.
I think she intended to pack a baquette but was
fearful it might just get wet.
Knowing that France was so far away she brought
along her personal bidet.
Now when immigrants arrive from across the sea,
there's just an empty platform where lady liberty used to be.
Since toilet tissue is so hard to find
He bought a bidet to cleanse his behind
With the very first flush
Cletus scalded his tush
To use again he was not too inclined
Cinq à Sept
En Pigalle, Mme. Paradigm
Claims lust is a blessing sublime
To have it your way
Squat on her bidet
And get home to your spouse on time!
Les Gendarmes say, "'Tis a crime
For Madame is well passed her prime,"
To spend one's treasure
On one moment's pleasure
Defies all reason and rhyme!
n.b. RUE Pigalle!
"Believe me or not when I say
my Pappy has had a rough day-
Diaper soaking wet,
how could he forget!
I had to change it right away.
So I dragged him in the bidet
speechless I didn’t know what to say-
"Oh, Pappy don’t fret,"
had a cigarette,
burned his depends just yesterday!
***True story about my friends Pappy (grandpa)- he just couldn't break that darn smoking habit!***
Syllable count 8-8-5-5-8
January 26, 2017
Bunnies Bidet
Believe me or not when I say,
my bunny has had a rough day-
He pooped on his blankie,
now his cage smells rankie,
now bunny sleeps on my bidet!
Syllable Count: 8-8-6-6-8
howmanysyllables.com
October 13, 2016
Bobby believed in love at first sight,
he wanted to get everything right-
Asked Laurie on a date-
but he showed up too late,
he hurried home and started to write.
Tried to find a way to say sorry,
put him in a difficult query-
Writing sure wasn’t his style,
so after a long while,
he knew how he could win back Laurie.
Asked her to come over for dinner,
thought, “man I could sure be a winner!”
She walked in overweight,
in profile pic looked great,
he said, “online you sure looked thinner!”
She kicked him where the sun never shined,
then said, “do you have any more wine?”
She ate all the dessert,
then she started to flirt,
ran to the bathroom and took her time.
“You’re sure crazy to think you could stay!
So what do you think you would convey?
My nuts are all shrunken,
you’re a crazy drunken,
and you even broke my darn bidet!”
Date Written: September 13, 2016
Little Ms. Mommy broke her tuffet. You know, that white porcelain thingy.
She sat down too hard and you can believe, that it broke every seam, completely.
Now snickers started about and around the house, but that’s OK… you see.
It had a crack she did claim, or so she exclaimed, or maybe two more or three.
But then again, the rumors traveled around, originating from the hardware store.
Then someone keeled over, he laughed so hard, and brought it to the news at four.
It’s one of those days, Ms. Mommy said, as she got her 15 minutes of fame.
But that’s OK; she was presented with a free, and ultra modern bidet, to claim.
Now this one will last forever and a day, since the buttons confuse her, so much.
And water can be a frightening thing, when you don’t expect it jetting, as such.
Now it became an amazing thing, as she built a private and heated, outhouse.
Anything, to get away, from the annoying thing, devouring her mind and house.
She’d never admit, how distraught she is, for fear, all the more, they would laugh.
The irony is, she’s happy again, as she blazes a path to her own little illustrious...
Outhouse….
Travel Bidet
Do you miss your bidet
When you are away
Have I got a treat for you
It is now travel sise
For those bidet wise
Who crave it for part of their loo
It’s a great gift to get
For the squeaky-clean set
And while I’m not the kind who would choose it
You might feel timid at first
But with your first squirts
You’ll find you gush every time that you use it
Uncle Mike might be teasing
But if you find it pleasing
Please don’t you share T.M.I.
The things that you do
In your own private loo
Are not things you share with a guy
The Hotel brochure came by post
and told me all that I should know.
With not much time to make a choice,
I booked my Room and set to go.
The pictures showed a sunken bath,
with fluffy towels and marble loo;
a typhoon shower, terrazzo tiles,
it even had a bidet, too!
They asked me, did I want to have
a whopping king-sized double bed,
indeed, perhaps, I’d much prefer
a boudoir – for the newlywed?
I gazed upon a sandy beach,
with swaying palms, a lavish view,
and, just nearby, the swimming pool
looked crystal clear and sparkling blue.
So, here I am and weary from
a long and somewhat tiresome flight,
to find my Room is rather small
and looks onto a building site!
~
For Black Eyed Susan's Competition.
But for that crazy, ill-conceived bidet,
I'd say using a loo is serious business.
Darn it, think of a sudden April shower
Encroaching upon your pretty posterior,
Tickling it, the nearest thing to heaven!