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Unmoored

white balloon of pulse beats its sluggish hops on March land matted with half melted snow freed from a nearby high rise balcony cut from its red and blue compatriots still hooked onto the railing a matter of strings becoming frayed small white blimp reacting to a wind that means much less to others unsettling to think it can't find its mooring its bustable skin flimsy like the shallow breath of an aged sleeper how long before it flees to some kind of shelter small white balloon soon to be picked up as litter bouncing in its frailty blow by blow a swivel from side to side and always its sense of being under seige

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Thomas Wells

Date: 3/23/2024 4:42:00 PM

"flimsy like the shallow breath of an aged sleeper how long before it flees to some kind of shelter" This is such a vivid image! This poem is an unfolding narrative of a simple occurrence. By holding it up and examining it, the reader can see its specialness...a patriotic allusion. Very well done!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/13/2024 5:51:00 PM

Greetings Thomas, I am most appreciative of your thoughtful appraisal of my poem. As noted the colors of the balloons are applicable to the flags of several countries, all of whom suffer from their own unique upheaval. Thank you for adding weight to my posting with your insightful words. Be well. Brian

Mat Ignacio

Date: 3/15/2024 10:12:00 PM

worth a few passes to better appreciate the delicate balance between rhythm and expression - a joy to read

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/16/2024 5:51:00 AM

Thanks very much Mat, for your drop by and your comment. I am glad you discovered merit in my posting. Cheers, Brian

Gary Radice

Date: 3/14/2024 6:23:00 AM

Having read your poem a couple of times I then read with great interest the comments of fellow Soupers. I concur with all the praise levelled at this masterful work Brian - Congratulations. My thoughts: I read this as a political allegory and saw the red white and blue of the union jack and the fabric of society and democracy breaking down while being hit on all sides and from all sides. I can see too that this could also be a comment on ageing. I'm off to read this again! :) Cheers - Gary

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/14/2024 8:54:00 AM

Hello Gary, My sincere appreciation for your stop by + thoughtful congratulations. You are right in that the balloon colors could apply to the Union Jack. Given Scottish independence movements, the split among the red, white and blue has relevance to the UK + (generally) the democracy fractioning worldwide. The insights you provide, Gary, are most welcomed + valued. Best wishes, Brian

Paul Callus

Date: 3/13/2024 12:19:00 PM

Red, white and blue probably applies to the American flag, but when one of those colours suddenly decides to move out, the symbolic aspect loses much of its power. ~ Regards // paul

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/13/2024 1:52:00 PM

So true Paul. Definitely a split apart when one color goes astray. Both the Russian + French flags are red, white + blue. Maybe the political allegory has relevance there too? However, as other poets note, the lost balloon has resonance to anyone adrift. I am afflicted with seeing metaphorical value in images. I've been told that this is not a strength other readers value in my postings. Thank you for the stop by + message. Be well. Brian

Susan Ashley

Date: 3/11/2024 12:25:00 PM

Dear Brian, I adore how what's become unmoored is a white balloon. Your second stanza is truly breathtaking as each verse built upon the other to surprise my imagination with each successive line. This exquisite piece is a masterwork! This could simply be about a drifting balloon or it could be a deep rich piece about the loss of one's "moorings" as the aging process exerts its power over one's faculties. Three lines I especially adored: "reacting to a wind that means much less to others" and "like the shallow breath of an aged sleeper" and "and always/its sense of being under seige" such a poignant finale! A metaphorical gem! A fav! Congratulations for your win in Charlotte's contest. An exquisite soulful poem, my inspiring friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/12/2024 7:50:00 AM

Dear Susan, You are most thoughtful + kind in your appraisal of my poem. You are right that a metaphorical extension to the aging process and loss can be seen in some lines. When we fray and become castoffs, there is an uncertain swivel to our direction. We are buffeted from one piece of turf to another. Thank you for your analysis of my posting that gives it a jolt of meaning. Best wishes always, Brian

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 3/11/2024 11:43:00 AM

So interesting! Once I got to the second verse then the third I circled back around seeing the sequence of events with the white balloon. … matted with half melted snow… its bustable skin flimsy…always its sense of being under seige…Love the metaphors, one can see many themes in this one beauty! Congratulations for 3rd place!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/11/2024 2:33:00 PM

Greetings Kim. Many thanks for your insightful comments. You are right in that the white balloon is a metaphor, and can yield a few meanings. A political allegory is one such take on the listless globe hitting touch down on the whims of the wind. My gratitude for your detailed remarks. Be well. Brian

Charlotte Puddifoot

Date: 3/11/2024 8:52:00 AM

i admire your ability to take a relatively mundane object or image and build an interesting poem around it, and i like the cool economy of your language..you post infrequently now, so i'm honoured that my contests continue to inspire your muse - congrats on your win!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/11/2024 2:27:00 PM

Thank you, Charlotte, for the recognition. I appreciate the open door of your contests, so barrier free, devoid of a number of numbing rules. Several poetic, image based ideas in the bank still, but no withdrawals as yet. With appreciation, Brian

Ink Empress

Date: 3/10/2024 3:23:00 AM

A unique write this is dear brian, I absolutely love the way youv started the poem and how the rest just flows with such creative and vivid imagery in such a moving manner. So many lines stood out for me but the opening lines and the ending hits the strongest, its always so good to read your well crafted and imaginative poems that has soul and depth in them: if this is for a contest, best wishes. Youv nailed it

Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/10/2024 7:22:00 AM

Greetings Ink Empress, Thank you for your thoughtful, supportive words. The image of a cast off white balloon was an image I caught on my walk to the gym for fitness class. Other balloons remained tethered to the balcony. Precarious bounces from the lone castaway on retreating snow. I attempted a political allegory from the image, unlikely to be popular as political allusions often carry a cringe effect. With appreciation, Brian