Packing and Unpacking Pain

Pack his suitcase, say goodbye. Tears don't even reach my eye "Come back safely. Do take care." Then he's gone, and I'm left there Give a smile, and don't complain What's the use? Just bear the pain Hours of empty, voiceless time! Countless trips should be a crime. Time to clean, for he'll be back. All I've left is paltry snack. Home a while then off again It's his job to save from sin Pack his suitcase, then unpack. There's no way to get time back Special times just gone amiss. Rushed goodbyes, and hurried kiss Weeks and months, yes, years go by. Getting old, and soon I'll die When I'm gone I'll be at rest No pack/unpack No empty nest Let another stay behind; someone else he's sure to find, but I know that she'll complain. He won't go to keep her sane I hope one day he'll come to see what he did was cruel to me Lonely days that merged to nights. Sighs and tears... It was not right Too late he'll know he broke my heart. Those trips he took? That time apart? Broke me, killed me, stole my life "Work is second! First is wife!" The simple truth he could not see. Now there's nothing Left of me. Eileen Manassian In way of explanation: both my husband and I work for our church organisation, and he has a leadership role which necessitates travel to the countries in the Middle East and North Africa. He has to travel. It's part of his job description, but it doesn't make it any easier for me, especially since I work full time and am a caregiver to my 88 year old dad who had alzhiemers. If we want to get retirement benefits, we need to keep working for the organisation, so... there is that. I'm just tired of it.. that's all. I've been alone so many times...depression sets in before he travels and while he's away. It's been this way for years. I read him the poem today :(. He knows I'm posting it. To be fair... he's cut down on some of it because of my mental health. There is a spouse allowance for travel, but the timing doesn't coincide with my teaching scedule and I can't leave dad anyway. This is just a angst filled reflection on how it feels to be lonely.