My All Time Top Ten Bloopers

I went to the store with a list on which my wife had numbered 10 items. I bought 1 loaf of bread, 2 quarts of milk, 3 dozen eggs, 4....!!!!! (number 10 was a 10 lb bag of flour) I tried to return a “free gift” once. I bought one “forever stamp”, thinking that was the only one I would ever need. I asked once, if they had white wine at communion. I carried a box of granola bars to work once when on a diet. I ate 12 bars before lunch and never lost an ounce. I believed my doctor, when he said, “Charlie, I don’t think it would hurt to check your prostate.” Meaning that it would be a good idea. But he was right. It didn’t hurt—after I passed out. Once I didn’t pay attention to where I squatted in a Cyprus knee swamp. I tried to take a trigger fish off my hook by putting my thumb in it’s mouth like a bass. He ate it like it was a bass. I asked my wife to go on birth control. She had triplets. She blamed it on me. Heck if It hadn’t been for me she might have had a litter. When I first got my cat I let it lick me on the face. Then one day I saw what it licked when I wasn’t around. © Jul 14 2010 For Joe's "Top Ten" contest