Limericks Iii - Grab Bag

Limericks III - Grab Bag Being a peace activist, I once wrote a limerick in an attempt to stop needless wars: Of Tetley’s and V-2's (or "Why Not to Bomb the Brits") by Michael R. Burch The English are very hospitable, but tea-less, alas, they grow pitiable ... or pitiless, rather, and quite in a lather! O bother, they're more than formidable. I have even written a double limerick about writing limericks: The Better Man by Michael R. Burch Dear Ed: I don’t understand why you will publish this other guy— when I’m brilliant, devoted, one hell of a poet! Yet you publish Anonymous. Fie! Fie! A pox on your head if you favor this poet who’s dubious, unsavor y, inconsistent in texts, no address (I checked!): since he’s plagiarized Unknown, I’ll wager! The Heimlich Limerick by Michael R. Burch for T. M. The sanest of poets once wrote: "Friend, why be a sheep or a goat? Why follow the leader or be a blind breeder?" But almost no one took note. The Pelican't by Michael R. Burch Enough with this pitiful pelican! He's awkward and stinks! Sense his smellican! His beak's far too big, so he eats like a pig, and his breath reeks of fish, I can tellican! I have distilled longer poems down to the approximate size of a limerick: Dry Hump by Michael R. Burch You came to me as rain breaks on the desert when every flower springs to life at once, but joy is an illusion to the expert: the Bedouin has learned how not to want. While most limericks are humorous, the form has been adapted for more serious purposes. Here's a poem of mine that can be shared with anyone it might help . . . Self Reflection by Michael R. Burch for anyone struggling with self-image She has a comely form and a smile that brightens her dorm . . . but she’s grossly unthin when seen from within; soon an entire campus will mourn. Yet she’d never once criticize a friend for the size of her thighs. Do unto others— sisters and brothers? Yes, but also ourselves, likewise. This limerick more or less sums up my approach to writing limericks: Grave Thoughts by Michael R. Burch as a poet i’m rather subVerse-ive; as a writer i much prefer Curse-ive. and why not be brave on my way to the grave since i doubt that i’ll end up reHearse-ive? NOTE: “Subversive,” “cursive” and “rehearse-ive” are double entendres: subversive/below verse, cursive/curse, rehearsed/recited and re-hearsed (reincarnated to end up in a hearse again). The Hair Flap by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" The hair flap was truly a scare: Trump’s bald as a billiard back there! The whole nation laughed At the state of his graft; Now the man’s wigging out, so beware! Viral Donald by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Donald Trump is coronaviral: his brain's in a downward spiral. That pale nimbus of hair proves there's nothing up there but an empty skull, fluff and denial. Stumped and Stomped by Trump by Michael R. Burch There once was a candidate, Trump, whose message rang clear at the stump: "Vote for me, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!, because I am ME, and everyone else is a chump!" Humpty Trumpty by Michael R. Burch Humpty Trumpty called for a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. Now all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men Can never put Trumpty together again. Toupée or Not Toupée, That is the Question by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" There once was a brash billionaire who couldn't afford decent hair. Vexed voters agreed: "We're a nation in need!" But toupée the price, do we dare? Toupée or Not Toupée, This is the Answer by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Oh crap, we elected Trump prez! Now he's Simon: we must do what he sez! For if anyone thinks And says his "plan" stinks, He'll wig out 'neath that weird orange fez! Green Eggs and Spam by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" I do not like your racist ways! I do not like your hate for gays! I do not like your gaseous rump! I do not like you, Crotch-Grabber Trump! I do not like you here or there! I do not like you anywhere! Your brain's been trapped in a lifelong slump And I do not like you, Hate-Baiter Trump! No Star by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump, you're no "star." Putin made you an American Czar. Now, if we continue down this dark path you've chosen, pretty soon we'll all be wearing lederhosen. Raw Spewage (II) by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Trump is a chump who talks through his rump; he's a garbage dump in need of a sump pump! Mother of Cowards by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" So unlike the brazen giant of Greek fame With conquering limbs astride from land to land, Spread-eagled, showering gold, a strumpet stands: A much-used trollop with a torch, whose flame Has long since been extinguished. And her name? "Mother of Cowards!" From her enervate hand Soft ash descends. Her furtive eyes demand Allegiance to her Pimp's repulsive game. "Keep, ancient lands, your wretched poor!" cries she With scarlet lips. "Give me your hale, your whole, Your huddled tycoons, yearning to be pleased! The wretched refuse of your toilet hole? Oh, never send one unwashed child to me! I await Trump's pleasure by the gilded bowl!" Twinkle Wrinkles by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" Twinkle, twinkle, little "star" ... Trump, how we wished you blazed ------------- afar! Twinkle, twinkle, Groper-Cupid ... How we've wished you weren't so stupid! Twinkle, twinkle, Man-Baby "president" ... In truth you're just the White House resident. Tweety and Pootie sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, second comes marriage, third barechested weasels in a White House carriage! —Michael R. Burch Trump's Donor Song by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition" christmas is coming, the Trumpster's purse is flat: please put a Billion in the Fat Cat's hat! if you haven't got a Billion, a Hundred Mil will do. if you haven't got a Hundred Mil, the yoke's on you!