Idle Olympics

There should be an idle Olympics, one where you don't cycle or run, and instead of diving, there's synchronised skiving where teams of four get nothing done. A training camp for doing little would certainly pick up my vote, full of amateur loafers sprawled out on the sofas not caring about where's the remote. Gold medals for staring at ceilings that have needed repainting for years, a silver for shirking, a bronze for not working with an audience too idle to cheer. No sports fitness coaches to nag you, or physios to massage your joints, starting gun's in the drawer should you need it- what for? As we all shrug, and say 'what's the point?' I'll put my name down for team GB, her indoors says 'you've nothing to prove, you're already a winner' as she makes my dinner and I can't be bothered to move.