I Wish I Could Tell You

I Wish I Could Tell You By: Sarah McFadden Grade 9 I wish I could tell you How anxiety holds me in its chains, Grasping me in its iron clutches, How the shackles of hopeless, never ending fear Dig into my ankles. How sometimes it feels like there is rope wrapped around my chest Growing tighter and tighter Until I am choking on my own strangled screams, Raising a white flag to my demons that won’t cease war with me I wish I could tell you about The black hole sitting at the pit of my stomach, Draining me of my happiness, Yet somehow leaving me as a shell of my former self, As if everything that made me able to smile or laugh Had been scraped out with a knife, Leaving me with a sadness that burns like Flames licking at the walls of my chest How I haven’t cried for real in a long time, But every time I shed a tear it burns my face like acid, Bubbling, sizzling How any spark of joy is evanescent, Quickly metamorphosing into the deep despair That I have come to know very well I wish I could tell you that I’m okay, That I am not broken beyond repair, That I can ponder upon the world and see Chances, opportunities, and reasons to be happy, That I can think about the beauty of life And not so much about the beauty of death, But I made a promise that no matter How many times I lie to myself, I would never lie to you.