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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
I was three the first time i remember
seeing mamas bedroom walls
springtime colors on her quilt
Though it really could of been December
I don't remember much at all
I have to thank god for that
except for his soft footsteps down the hall
not Gods cause he was still asleep
I didn't know enough to be afraid, YET
He came in the room, that's when I still loved him
then I was on the bed, daddy loves you
daddy saying shh shh, don't talk
we're hiding from mama, I giggled
and then the pain, stop it shaunda, be quiet
be a quiet girl and I'll give you a dime
I didn't like it one bit or the sounds either
I turned my head and saw mamas messy shoes in her closet
I loved mamas shoes and I always put them in a row
in her closet nice and neat
she always gave me a nickel and said very good Shaunda
that's when I still loved her
and she still loved me
I watched the shoes through the pain thinking
when daddies done I'm gonna straighten those shoes
all in a row so mama will give me a nickel
and why do dimes hurt so bad
All this running through my head laying on her bed
while the sounds and the pain intermingle
in my body and mind while wondering
why Karrie gets to go to school
and why oh why can't I be five too
Ahh. The joy of childhood memories uncensored
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
spring is here
at last at last
wind blowing clouds
like gossamer glass
smells fill the air
the flowers are calling
bees making honey
with love and pollen
watching dandilions
is a glorious affair
while slinging their fluff
all thru the air
It seems I'm not
the only one
to jump with joy
here comes the sun
I hop and skip
accross a lawn
I twirl around
till I have fallen
I dance a happy
springtime dance
lay on the grass
where sprinklers splash
a sweet little inchworm
crosses my toe
take your time little one
just go with the flow
my spring my spring
is here for now
the sun stands up
to take a bow
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
Mountain of a thousand colors
clothed in Autumns dress
kiss the earth 'O' Wondrous mother
painted world - flora's caress
Trembling giants bathe in light
quaking Aspens touch the sky
as guards of lore and fabled sprites
gift boughs of shade through watchful eyes
Crystalline river of indigo
give life to minnows, carp & trout
breach high the soothing waters flow
while gadflies rove and dance about
Symphonic winds sing casting spells
valley grass begins to dance
whips through the mountain copse & dell
warblers dance for new romance
'OH' iridescent color thief
on painted mountains dwell
with wings draw patterns of motif
boreal sounds of tinkling bells
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
When I was just a wee young thing
I was taught life's lesson well
Ere instead of childhood revelry
mine would be a children's hell
As a child I'd learned in life
you choose to live or choose to die
That for some are chosen happiness
And for the rest to reason why
I could weep and moan at life so cruel
or lament in deep despair
Would it help me if I wring my hands
while pulling out my hair?
Would it put me in a better place
if I took it lying down?
Nay, I think I would be just as dead
if in self pity I did drown
So I did, I think, the only thing my childish mind could do
With the power of imagination and a fantasy or two
I did don a suit of honor,
I did guard o'er children's door
And like any worthwhile soldier
I would battle evermore
While most children softly slumber
dreaming dreams that hold no fright
As the children's chosen warrior
who had taken up their plight
I did lay awake and listen
in the darkness through the door
For the sneaking sound his bare feet made
down hall on linoleum floor
As I pray to a god who was not there
to help my battle plans go right
Twas I alone in the dark with my Ball and Jax
who would be waging war this night
With my hands I stifled giggles
my mind envisioning in the black
Of the pain, glorious pain, to befall his feet
as he stumbled on my Jax
I laughed as I lay there pondering
if the makers of this children's game
had ever dreamed that their tiny Ball and Jax
would one night save four girls from shame
HUSH! I hear him coming!
I have caught him unaware
As his feet crossed o'er the battle lines
I swear his scream could curl your hair
I laughed till I cried, as he hopped while he tried
to get away from my midnight attack
Under the unscrewed hall light, he stood cursing the child
who had left out her Jax in the night
The beating was worth all the joy and the mirth
that his dance down the hall gave that night
After winning round one, I vowed I would fight on
Evermore as a soldier, FIGHT ON.
I'd decided as a very young child of abuse, that I would never go down without a fight.
I spent my entire childhood and teenage years in a silent battle with my father.
A battle never spoken of, but a battle none the less.
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
Sweet Rosalia was here with me
but for a year and a day
when we strolled the cliff beside the sea
to see the oceans spray
Sweet bairn of mine did laugh and clap
to see a butterfly
she reached her hand when broke the strap
fell from the cliff to die
Poor child of mine made not a peep
when fell unto the rocks
I pulled her from the watery deep
my bairn with sable locks
Such deep lament pooled off my face
she cradled in my arms
the tumble left none of a trace
the blow that did her harm
I could not bare to cover her
in mother natures brown
nor place on her the white death fleur
in cold and darkened ground
So Rosalia I did place
inside a glass top bed
forever more you'll see her face
whilst sadly she lay dead
I could not bear such deep repine
my heart could not erase
when saw the child did break my mind
wrapped in inky Seas embrace
My Deep lament would not erase
visions of my darling drowned
So I stepped unto the cold cliff face
And flung my body down
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
poseidon's wrath-crashing rebellion against man-forever clashing
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
A father takes, eyes closed, that which he has no right
A child cries, traumatized, a closet hides her pain
The child dies, awakes to find- a woman in her place
her damaged mind- cannot abide- the change her body makes
The woman stands- naked and alone- facing mirrored images
backs away- cuts today- appraising all her damages
rearrange- her bodies change- sculpt it down to size
to take away- the ugly place- I cut it with a knife
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
My 4 year old was addicted to Band-aids
Every part of his body needed a Band-aid.
'mama mama momy mom mom mama'
"WHAT!!!!!!"
'I have an owie
come see mama'
"Julian, love
mama doesn't have time to look today
I'm getting ready for work"
'Mama
I need a Band-aid mama'
"Ok, fine sweetheart
you can have a Band-aid
just PLEASE
let me get ready for work"
2 minutes later
'Mama
I cant get the papers off mama'
"Fine
bring me the Band-aid
and I'll take off the papers
after that
mama has to get ready for work"
Julian happily puts the Band-aid on
5 minutes later
'Mama'
'the kitty scratched me
I need a Band-aid
look mama look'
"JULIAN, honey
PLEASE let mama get ready, ok
PLEASE
I don't have time to look
just go bring me another Band-aid
but no more, ok"
Julian happily puts on the Band-aid
7 minutes later
'Mama'
I have a owie on my toe
look mama
my toe broke'
"JULIAN DAMEN JAMES LINDSAY
I will NOT tell you again
let me get ready FOR WORK!"
'But mama
my toe has a broken on it
I need a Band-aid
mama mama mommy mom mom'
"OMG, Julian
You are REALLY starting to make mama mad
I mean it
this is your very last Band-aid
Bring me that box of Band-aids
and this is it
The very last one for the entire day
D O YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Happily
Julian skips across the room
on his BROKEN toe
bringing me the box of Band-aids
"There
the very last one
Do you hear me?
absolutely
NO MORE BAND-AIDS
mama has to finish getting ready for work"
'Ok, mama, no more Band-aids'
I hide the box of Band-aids in the cookie jar on top of the fridge
And That, takes care of That
10 minutes later
'Mama
I have a tummy ache mama
my tummy hurts
mama mama mama'
HA!
"Sorry Julian
the Band-aids are all gone now
and I said No more Band-aids"
Julian drops to the floor
kicking and screaming
'My tummy hurts
my tummy hurts'
Because I'm an unfit mother
I run over
grab his arms and yank him to his feet
"That's it Julian
you stop it now or I'll give you something to cry about..
wanna spankin?
HUH?'
'No mama no
no spankin'
"You go into your room and DO NOT come out
until I am ready for work
DO YOU UNDERSTAND"
'yes mama'
Thank God, finally
I can now get ready for work
20 minutes later
"Ok, Julian
come put your jacket on
so we can go"
"JULIAN"?
"JULIAN, come on right now"
Here comes Julian with a very strange look on his face
which I recognize as guilt
holding his hands over his stomach
hiding something bulging under his shirt
"What have you done, young man?"
"Nothing mama"
"Julian
what have you got under your shirt?"
'But mama
I have a tummy ache, I needed a Band-aid'
"Where did you get the Band-aids Julian?
mama has all the Band-aids"
Sheepishly, he tells me
'from under sissy's sink'
"From under sissy's sink?
come over here right now"
'But mama
sissy has the big Band-aids for my big tummy ache'
"JULIAN DAMEN JAMES LINDSAY
Do NOT make me come over there and get you"
Julian drags his feet up to me
hands on top of his shirt
his hidden Band-aid being protected from his evil mother
Julian starts to throw a fit
as I grab his hands and lift his shirt
WTF?
Taped to his stomach is one of his sister's panty liners
Laughing my butt off
I'm forced to pull the panty liner off of him
while he's kicking, screaming and yelling
'not my big Band-aid, don't take my big Band-aid'
Rolling on the floor
laughing till I'm crying
Julian is screaming and kicking on the floor
AND
I'm late for work
I wouldn't change a thing
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
The Killing Tree (caution extremely graphic)
My daddy hung my bunny on the killing tree
he wrapped my hands round the concrete filled pipe
a hot burn filled my body, then I went cold
the last thing I remember is swallowing my vomit
then I went away
It wasn't me who bashed that girls poor bunny to death
blood splashing on arms, face and clothing
swinging the pipe over and over
I had no emotions as I watched the girl below
except pity
as she was
mouth open
screaming
silence coming out in invisible waves
all sound floating off like it was never even there
the father's hands wrapped hers around the knife
It was not I who cut the rabbits throat
nor cut off the head
blood pouring and body slinging
I knew the girl was screaming inside
by the look in her eyes
They cut that baby's paws off
peeled the skin from the upside down bunny
I watched the father
bloodshot eyes as he was
screaming at the girl
so close his spittle attached to her face
she didn't notice
I was so thankful it wasn't me
who slit the bunny's belly open
pulled the entrails out so they
dropped into the gut bucket
I saw the girl running around the yard
eyes big as the moon and glassy
squeezing the urine from the bunny's grape sized bladder
laughing hysterically while chasing her brother
My God, what craziness, what horror
no wonder her mother thought her insane
It wasn't I who washed the blood from the girl
whoever did it
did it to hide the sins of the father
from the worlds eyes
It was not I at the dinner table
who was made to sit next to her father
not I when her father put parts of honey bunch on her plate
telling her to eat every bite or else
I saw her look up at him with a sick glint
then ate every single bite of that rabbit
a smile pasted on her face
I guess she showed him, didn't she.
For the first time I was proud of the little girl
who frightened her father when she ate her pet with a smile
I remember having the thought
She'd better get rid of her pet chicken and pet goats
else she be having dinner on them too
It wasn't I who went into the bathroom
rabbit erupting from stomach and nose
laying on the bathroom floor mouth open
snot and tears mingling while she silently wailed
making not a sound per daddy's request
I was so glad it was not me
I preferred to float above the girl...
Had I been able to do that forever
float above the pain and emotion
I would never have come down
Down was never safe
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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Shaunda Lindsay Poem
He shines with light a sheep they say
they never see him the same way
his children see him everyday
dripping, snarling, heavily
he will not show us sympathy
to see a beast so shrewd revealed
layer by layer each is peeled
sorrows skin for us to see
no one else can apparently
howling now a sinful tune
he sheds his skin beneath the moon
a wolf we see and not the lamb
all his children are the damned
he has no time to lie in wait
he must move now our sin is bait
devour our souls it's far too late
what lies beneath not heavens gate
sorrow is the skin he's in
sorrow are his children
shed his skin and you will see
a heart too dark for empathy
sorry he could never say
would it could it take away
the stain he leaves as he betrays
he laughs again another day
and steals our soul another day
Copyright © Shaunda Lindsay | Year Posted 2016
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