The Tired Working Man

One more time, I must reiterate one more time that I'm not complaining I'm for once trying to find the bright side of this inflatable balloon called life with a glass half full point of view but my bottle is all the way empty and I feel like throwing up Are the palms of my hands supposed to turn beat purple, a sugarplum Everything below my neck is radiating with pain I'm breathing just fine, I feel alright but I'm craving my bed something fierce even though all my bed is just a blanket and pillow let’s hope I get to sleep tonight, sleep has never been kind to me Let’s call it a truce, we can fight again once it hits morning but before I knew it, I'm back on the clock again an hour and a half in, able to take a break The job's not to blame it's fine, I'm not worried is what I want to say but I'm more frustrated with myself I'm trying to prove way too much in too short a time span I know what I'm doing, I know how to get it done but I have two left feet, a glacier on my shoulder as I try to do everything myself When I see someone help me, I know that I'm failing and that pushes me to do better, to do more but the carpet trips up my feet again tumbling I go, a house of cards to a strong wind slowing production, repeating the cycle of this condemnation of my self esteem I hate this fully, I feel dirty and gritty no ifs, ands, or buts If this was me 10 months ago I would've been out the door faster than anyone could know but I'm riding this out This is my own routine maintenance Despite my account of bitterness and I have so much more to bear This sentence is an editor's note I really don't belong here I'm actually grateful for once for this hardship It's making me stronger, though I'm worried for my chest It's starting to feel bigger than it should I must be holding my breath so I don't suffocate on my own air I need to open my mouth or I’ll start to hyperventilate I got 5 mins left to enjoy the quiet hum of refrigerators in this empty room Just quickly I want to thank Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties for their entire album, "Routine Maintenance" Thank you Dan Campbell and The Wonder Years… but staring at the cuts on my thumb, the scars growing on my hands I wish I had my music to play in my ears listen to the bands I grew up with, new and old sing despair without fear On sore legs I want to collapse I keep trying to change in a day knowing it doesn't work like that frustrated with myself and my performance it's another bad rainy day in my head Send me home, send me away I won't get that luxury I won't get that wish, I got nearly an hour left might as well pull through To those reading this, to those have followed me since day Thank you, I thank you Reach out to me if you need to If you want to, I'll do my best to listen I could use more friends I could use some extra motivation to fight through this but I'll be here to deliver my word-like vlogs I guess you'd call it blogs? Either way here I sign off, I got detestable work to return to Raise your hands to the sky, share with me some energy Mother knows I need it Maribelle please, give me some comfort I'll be home soon… but even when I get home sleep is an afterthought, a fable after all There I am, laying in the dark while the TV screen tries its very best to lull me to sleep