The Alien Abduction

An alien abducted me In his turbo space machine He has promised he will set me free If I help him find a queen . Well I believe in true romance I listen as he reels off his queens necessities As he spoke I kept thinking '' No chance '' and uttering the phrase ''oh Jeez '' He says his queen just has to be As gentle as a lamb Never argue or disagree and be eager to please her man . She must not moan if he's watching telly Or if he's drinking beer in a bar and after midnight when his legs turn to jelly She must pick him up in the car . She must be immaculate and sexy She must smell just like a rose Never get a little tetchy When she see's him pick his nose She's got to feed the dog , Mind the kids Keep the house sparkling clean Listen to what his work mates did In the turbo space machine . See there is beer in the fridge For when his mates come round Make them all a sandwich See the kids don't make a sound . Though she may be worn out By the rigours of the day She must be ready to put out and let him have his way . Well the alien who abducted me Sure wants his money's worth but he won't get any help from me So I am eternally orbiting the Earth.