Sorry

Chest tight no light cant fight a blight Tears threten to spill I promise not to kill I beg for you to fill just please wait untill I crave the past, tears under the mask. warmpth of a hug, the pull of a heart string does tug. I yearn for the old joy of lunch time, Now I sit alone and rhyme. ghost of a smile on my face now for the pain I brace Wishing I could change it I gave up and quit. I lost hope I forgot to cope. I looked to the easy path I didnt do the math. I was selfish Hurting you wasn't my wish. That is my accountability my time to learn humility. to learn from my choise please hear my voice. I love you all my fear is my downfall. I dont want you to hurt so from my pain I divert No longer will I hide, my tears haven't dried Im hurting a lot There I said it Im hurting really bad I feel alone I miss my friends I miss my old school. I miss not being able to stop smiling when walking into lunch with all of you. I miss calling Josh, papa I miss being (lovingly) teased about Langston. I miss Savannah's smothering hugs, I miss Sean's innocent litte jokes. I miss Jose's silly faces (when no one is looking). I miss the fact that "goodbye" ment see you tomarrow. I miss Sean's hate for change. I miss Savannah's helicopter parenting I miss Joshe's memes I miss Jose's stubborness. I miss all parts of all of you. G-d it kills me. Every day I get up knowing I wont see you I still reach for my school polos, Still put my ID card in my back pocket, then it hits me. all at once I remeber avoiding homework and the shame decends hand-in-hand with the emptyness. I put the ID back and get dressed for the day, with a heavy heart leading the way. I paint on a happy smile, over the sobbing lonley girl. When my genetic authors over-exercise their vocal cords, The smothering wieght returns. I know. I didnt forget How could I? I know that I messed up. But I cant change the past, No matter how hard I try. So let me say it, let me attempt to sum all of this up in two words. condence my hurt into seven letters. Express my thoughts in two syllables I'm Sorry.