Rundown

Self-awareness is very important for me to perceive and understand things, matters, issues that come up that are important to me, in using my senses, experiences and beliefs. Sometimes when I’m in my psychological state, focus on myself or in the state of self-reflection, I remember how rundown I was for many years and how feeling rundown would come and go. Some of the rundown episodes were very difficult, like feeling you don’t want to do what you need to do. You just want to leave everything, everybody you love, to start over again someplace, where nobody knows you. Sometimes the silence is so deafening, like irritating noise that you want to run away from while covering your ears. You are just so tired physically, exhausted emotionally, sick of almost everything that is so mentally draining. You just keep going, going through the motions like a robot because you must, but deep inside you just want to escape, be free from work, responsibilities, obligations, just for a while to take time, a break for yourself, recharge and be back refresh. Those years of discriminations in various positions I held. Those years of being a single mother, raising the children, making sure they had a roof over their head and food on the table and maintaining and taking care of the finances. Those racial issues, family issues, financial issues could put a toll on your body, your spirit, your emotions running you down physically and could be burning you out mentally. Being rundown is not easy, but your will can put an end to it.