Reality of Old Age

When I was 14 yrs old... I never thought I would turn the magical 16... that would be the time I could get my drivers license and a job. Boy was I big stuff then. When I was 17 yrs old...I never thought I would live to see 18. Wow...the excitement of becoming an adult. Now I could do what I wanted... I would have it made! When I was 20...I thought in one more year... I could be a full adult and I could make my own choices... and move where I wanted...and all sorts of stuff. When I was 49 I thought my life was half over. My skin was starting to wrinkle and parts of me were starting to sag. I wondered if this was what I had to look forward to. When I was 59 I dreaded turning 60. to me that was old. Those were the ones I made fun of when I was younger and swore I'd never be like them. Well...now I'm 66 yrs old and I can't seem to wrap my head around it. It seems all the movie stars I grew up with were all dying... or at least looked like it. My youngest child is 34. How did that happen? I sat and thought about all the things I'll never get to do again... because I have Parkinsons also... and it's taking it's toll. I now struggle with wondering If I even have a purpose anymore. I wonder if my kids still need me. I question my value. I feel embarrased that at times I need to use a cane. I question all the choices I've ever made... but I know one can't go back and change what's already happened. I've decided with much soul searching that I can find other ways of helping. After all it's not about me. I can think what I can do to help others. I have things I'm good at and I have a lot of life's stuff I've been through... that maybe I can help with. It's all about choices. I could choose to sit and just wait to die... or I can use what I do have to help others. The choice is mine... and the choice is yours. P.R. Deremer