Queer Fear

At first it's just a glance or two Then a blush before you knew What was going on Denial begins to dawn. There is no way That I could be gay… But that girl is so pretty She looks so soft, pity That I like guys It's the look in the eyes Beneath her lids lie mysteries, Easier to fall deep into Previous thoughts ensue, The curves of her lips pull my head askew. But with his eyes there is a firmness, A safe and solid surface To be his boo A joy renewed A check with society says it's okay. I like a guy so I can't be gay ...Right? Your confidence in your strait bends, What would happen if you talked to your friends? Would they think i'm weird or gross? Will I lose the people that are close? I’ll figure it out on my own I start to notice girls more When they talk to me I stare at the floor. A similar feeling comes up When it's on guys I call it a crush. I tell my mind to hush In the safety of the screen I explore I start questioning more. A girl online, A friend of mine Asks me out Inside I want to shout. I hid the phone calls for a while Covering the blushed cheeks and smiles. Not letting anyone see What would they think of me? Clocks don't stop And neither do the thoughts Eventually I take the fall I say f**k it all Then to tell the friends, Some say they already knew One applauds my break though. A few freeze I feel my chest squeeze. Rising strong is the fear of rejection, Followed in close second by fear of disconnection To those I care about Most of them move past the freeze The rest turned it into tease. But friends don't last forever, Especially those that can't handle this endeavor Family stays with you So my anxiety grew First mom, then dad Blank faces drove me mad Their mouths spoke acceptance Their eyes said animosity. New rules are placed down Making me feel like a clown No sleepovers with friends anymore No boys before, now no one Many long emails packed with frustration, And some ignorance duration Acceptance came slowly But is now embraced fully Now in a house without fear, I can truly be with and near those I love without the apprehension and fear of damnation. Now my biggest secret is out And I have no reason to doubt I am Bisexual