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Papa

You never said the words yet I heard them all the time in your eyes as they crinkled in laughter when you lifted me on your shoulders, as I ran to you when you came with the dusk, with the gold in sunset and silver at moonrise. You never asked me not to cry, yet I saw the dark chocolate in your eyes turn sour at the salty waters running down my cheeks. You went on a plane and I wished to have wings, to travel free over your desert flyways for a while. I never dreamed your dream, and had I known, O, had I known, I never would have said yes. Then, you never would have had to go away; I wouldn’t have had to meet you, now inside a box. My glass too shattered, I damn the river in my eyes. Devices :Alliteration, Allusion, Assonance, imagery, metaphor, mood For Cyndi MacMillan's FIVE PROOF: FREE VERSE THAT SHOWS IT AIN'T NO PROSE 21 January 2015

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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12
Date: 6/17/2016 3:23:00 AM
This remind me and resonates. Sad poem and good poem. I love 'I damn the river in my eyes' and dark chocolate in your eyes run sour.
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Date: 5/16/2016 10:22:00 AM
Salute to your pen and a well done to the mind out of which this sea of wisdom emanated. A definite 7
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Date: 2/9/2016 4:44:00 PM
Very deep and emotional write. It reaches the reader and even makes one look back at their own moments, almost close to yours.
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Date: 1/28/2016 6:24:00 PM
Amazing from the first word to the last...This poem is fluid and solid at the same time...And oh what an ending
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Date: 1/28/2016 8:37:00 AM
Kim, your sweetness and consideration made it impossible for you to say no. It was who you were at the time. That is not a bad thing. Some of us have a great deal of respect for the opinions and wishes of others, and when we have not been able to look into our own hearts or have looked there and not seen what is faintly there, we may defer to another's wish. Eventually, we get to make the choices that were deferred. And so it goes. So, you know not to impose your will through experience.
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Date: 1/28/2016 3:52:00 AM
Kim, your poem reveals such regrets of the heart and is very poignant. I hope this does wonderfully in the contest. I thought it was excellent. #7
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Date: 1/26/2016 5:34:00 PM
Hello Kim ... I'm pretty sure that your Papa would have been very proud of you as a writer Kim - good luck - Lindsay
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Laurie Avatar
Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/26/2016 5:36:00 PM
Sorry Kim - computer gliche - Lindsay
Date: 1/26/2016 5:19:00 PM
Hello Kim ... I'm pretty sure that your Papa would have been very proud of you as a writer Kim - good luck - Lindsay
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Date: 1/26/2016 6:47:00 AM
dam and damn, excellent piece, Kim. Viv x
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Date: 1/26/2016 1:33:00 AM
Touching and Nostalgic and well but mostly moving to higher emotions
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Date: 1/26/2016 12:01:00 AM
an astonishing entry, the best of luck in the contest Kim:) LOVE LINDA
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Date: 1/25/2016 12:31:00 PM
Hi Patrice: A very moving and emotional poem. I could feel your sorrow.
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Date: 1/25/2016 9:10:00 AM
A tremendous piece steeped in emotion.
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Date: 1/24/2016 5:30:00 AM
Very emotional write. Loss and grief are to say the least burdensome. Lost mine over 25 years ago and there's not a day goes by I don't think of him at least once.
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Date: 1/23/2016 7:00:00 PM
I lost my father when I was fifteen years old. He was the entire universe to me and it destroyed me for almost 20 more years. I was thirty-four and had my daughter and then started to live again. Great poem a fav for me and thanks...
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Date: 1/23/2016 3:00:00 PM
- Enjoyed your poem, Kim - Have a great weekend! - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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Date: 1/23/2016 8:40:00 AM
I am very close to my dad so this really hit home. Thank you!
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Date: 1/22/2016 9:19:00 PM
Kim you had asked me about finding anything to improve. I love this but now that I have time, I was able to find something. Soupmail!!
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Kp Nunez
Date: 1/22/2016 9:41:00 PM
Thanks, Andie. I wasn't comfortable with that line too. Thank you for calling my attention to it. I really appreciate that you took the time to send a soupmail. hugs!
Date: 1/22/2016 10:04:00 AM
having no relationship with the one who fathered me....has led me toward this destiny....Where I Love God And All Of His Creations....He Consoled me Through all the pain of constant anticipation....very compelling kim....;)
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Date: 1/22/2016 9:39:00 AM
ohh, poignant mood pierciing my senses, kim... this gives me goosebumps with your keen poetic devices!.. huggs
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Date: 1/21/2016 7:16:00 PM
How sad...well written poem for a wonderful Dad...
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Date: 1/21/2016 4:02:00 PM
wow, this is very good. It's sad and leads me to wonder what caused his demise. It sounds like an accident or something that happened at the end. Loved the line on the chocolate eyes!
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Date: 1/21/2016 4:00:00 PM
Kim, I hope you see the Big Short. I think you would really like it. Now let me see this poem!
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Date: 1/21/2016 3:30:00 PM
I love how you tackled this lovely and touching poem to your father, Kim. You do not just write poems...you write poetry:) Hugs // paul
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Date: 1/21/2016 5:57:00 AM
Soul searching and stimulating! A def 7 here, Kim!
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things