My Christmas Gun

I take the gun and place the cold barrel to my temple. I have to free myself and hand shaking. I don't deserve this. Am I selfish feeling this and head pounding. I take a chance and cry out to GOD. Please, If you care and those selfish people laughing. Help me. What's so funny? You disgust me with your smiles . Suddenly I once again withdraw the gun from my head. And taking a cigarette and lighting it and crying. Hate is to kind for you. Bitterly the wind has blown and your still smiling. It's blown away but leaves me your laughter. As I pace and trample that smile with cold fury. The Postman delivers your Christmas card and I unwrap you. What is this? Its our story and I start at the end. I know that part of your gift. Its fresh and my wound needs salt so I can breathe. But reading back I see us when it was laughter. To the moment I linked my soul to you and hitched a ride. And looking down I see that gun. What is it doing in my lap and God smiles.