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Mortality Smothers

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life is a feather on the wind ~ fallen from a sparrow who's not sinned borne and adrift upon the air ~ brushed away like a stray strand of hair fragile wanderer in doldrum streams ~ illuminated by moonbeams floating on currents o'er the sea ~ never asks, "What's to become of me?" a wisp, floundering where it doesn't belong ~ when it's done nothing wrong A living thing, drawing breath ~ before it fell into the sea of death? fragile are feathers and lives ~ torn asunder when an ill wind arrives man's mortality smothers ~ but feathers... a sparrow can grow others

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Duke Beaufort

Date: 2/18/2024 4:02:00 PM

I like the closed loop you constructed. It makes me think about the Earth and our lives, which our planet supports. The comparison of lives and feathers is compelling. Thanks for sharing this.

David Kavanagh

Date: 2/18/2024 12:32:00 PM

Thought provoking Lin, the feather probably has about the same significance to the sparrow, as a nail clipping does to us, they do their job, and then recycled back into the earth; mans mortality is an ill wind when it arrives, but I have inkling his/her consciousness goes way deeper right into the fabric of the universe! what a great series of rhyming meaningful monokus, cheers David

Lin Lane
Date: 2/18/2024 1:02:00 PM

Thanks, David. They're a challenge to me, no matter the subject matter, and I have you to thank for getting me interested in rhyming them. soooo thanks.

Mat Ignacio

Date: 2/17/2024 7:32:00 PM

transcendent and endearing - beautifully conveyed

Lin Lane
Date: 2/17/2024 10:03:00 PM

Thanks so very much, Mat.

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 2/17/2024 4:25:00 PM

astonishing is the first word that came to mind after I finished reading your poem. So many wonderful lines, but I especially liked 'fragile are feathers and lives~torn asunder when an ill wind blow.' Lovely metaphors, absolute perfection, Lin! Faving hugs, Sara

Lin Lane
Date: 2/17/2024 10:03:00 PM

That's a supportive word to describe my lines, Sara. Thanks for such kind words and the fave. Hugs.

Abdullah Alhemaidy

Date: 2/17/2024 3:27:00 PM

Wonderful pure poetry! A favorite! Lovely Lin have a nice day ~ AA

Lin Lane
Date: 2/17/2024 10:02:00 PM

Thank you so very much for your kind words, ~AA.

Daniel Henry Rodgers

Date: 2/17/2024 2:07:00 PM

Dearest Lin, Your poem left me with a gentle ache and a lingering thought. The image of a feather, so innocent and light, lost and adrift, creates a poem of life's fragility and uncertainty. I love the use of contrasting forces in your poem. The feather, "borne and adrift" yet illuminated by "moonbeams," speaks to the beauty and wonder even in the midst of vulnerability. The ending, with its contrasting fragility of feathers and lives against a sparrow's ability to regrow, offers a glimmer of hope. It says to me that while individuals may be vulnerable, life itself possesses a remarkable resilience and capacity for renewal. What a beautifully written poem, Lin. I'm sure it will continue to linger in my mind. - Blessings, Daniel

Lin Lane
Date: 2/17/2024 10:01:00 PM

Life is so very fragile, isn't it? Too many of us take it for granted that we'll have a tomorrow to do the things we want, or to say, "I love you," to those we hold dear. Thank you, Daniel for always making my poetry is worthwhile writing. That's extremely encouraging.

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 2/17/2024 7:47:00 AM

What a wonderful job you’ve done with this series of monokus! Following the feather in its death spin…a sparrow who’s not sinned…it’s done nothing wrong…mortality smothers…Blessings, dear Lin

Lin Lane
Date: 2/17/2024 8:46:00 AM

Good morning, Kim and I'm grateful for your reflections on my Monoku. Have a fun-filled weekend, sweet friend.