More Agony

My friend I want you to know That happy for you I am As before the coming snow You will have a baby in a pram. Your shower today was nice I thought I could handle it. But my heart is not ice For jeaousy I feel this I admit. I feel like a loon My babies gone No lullabies to croon No being woke at dawn. I thought I could handle this Be here for my dear friend But there is gaping abyss And I do not want to offend. This your day to shine And do well to not frown And to not even let out a whine Though in sorrow I drown. I leave the shower My wounds to lick. In my own space cower Pain in my heart does stick. I am now alone I lay here and cry. In agony I moan And in misery I sigh. I really am a lousy friend. For how can I feel sad? How can I make amends and tell you why I am bad? No more baby showers for me I cannot do this To much pain for this to be For me there is no bliss. My arms do so ache For the babies that are mine. How much more pain can I take? How much longer will I pine? Can anyone understand What I truly am? A mother in no man's land Whose tears have broke the dam. A mother who misses Her children each day. I miss thier kisses, Their bedlam and fun way. Why can I not heal? Why must agony sear And my fate and theirs seal For this I do fear. I thought I was doing good But as you can see This pain gets me where I stood And still gets the best of me.