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Marion's Narration

MARION'S NARRATION Y'all gather round me and listen clearly. I got a tale to tell. And so listen intently. It's about fighting and killing and my men. My Father and husband, whom bless me, amen. When the leaders all say 'we'll be back Christmas day' then know the knowing wise. For the troops need you to sympathize. They will face massive demise. Before during and after, Christmas speeches from your pastor. The war's prognosis is hell and somber. The dead buried all together by machine grave digger. Where my men fight is along the frontiers A vast land. Where whole armies can pass another And not hear the other's jeers For morale it is still high, and the general's conceit obeys The rules of leers The commanders vanity shows only confidence, not tears But hard tears will fall for four years. So this story begins sadder than Poe But that won't ruin the show Because we have love and drama To balance your trauma And we'll keep you high on that Instead of lost in woe. OH! One more thing. My husband Does not yet know I exist. So don't leak our little secret. And remember this above all else, in this tale like your own lives. Everything that comes to be is fate.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 5/17/2016 5:32:00 PM
Nice, poetry with purpose. Oh so rare. Missed an opportunity to describe the era with "leaders" when you could have named a known general or politician of the era. Here's the hard part, researching the battles you reference and providing new knowledge to the reader/audience. Researching the culture of the army you speak of adds realism to the effort. Good going. The Meaning of War: http://www.poetrycritic.net/2013/11/the-charge-of-light-brigade-by-alfred.html
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Seth Diamond
Date: 5/18/2016 12:48:00 PM
Thanks for all of your comments, they are all very helpful, and I ask that you share more of your critique of my other poems... It really is helpful and I think you're right.
Date: 5/14/2016 9:30:00 AM
this is a very fascination write...you expressed it so beautifully......cheers !
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Seth Diamond
Date: 5/14/2016 10:01:00 AM
Thanks, I could use more feedback on my other poems. Can you tell me if you like http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/the_countess_close_783318
Date: 5/14/2016 9:28:00 AM
well you could read the tittle but I have a romantic perspective that in actuality it is Hank William's perspective 1972 in Tennessee? Comments?
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Date: 5/13/2016 10:20:00 PM
Seth, interesting, wonder from who's point of view... LINDA
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things