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Judas Me

My ears pick out his sounds - in the dead of the night I hide under the covers - out of mind, out of sight I lay frozen with fear - while preparing myself To leave my body behind - and put my mind on a shelf When he passes me by - I rejoice in his wake I laugh under my breath - for tonight I am safe But relief turns to guilt with your struggle to be free For if he did not choose you - he would choose JUDAS me So I lie to myself - to convince me it's true That the shadows that dance on the walls are not you Then I lie once again - my hands cover my ears I chant over and over - that I don't really hear The soft fumbling his hands make as he loosens your clothes Nor the dying sound innocence makes when it goes Please forgive me my sisters - for what is and will be and for being so happy - he passed by JUDAS me I know all of the sounds the disgusting things make as he greedily gobbles and he nightly partakes I hear your soft cries every night in my mind they play over and over and with each play I find That the peace of the chaste that I pray comes my way always comes at a price that is too high to pay I remember nothing good ever happens to me cause you pay with your soul so I'll walk Judas free.

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Elizabeth Alexander

Date: 3/16/2016 12:44:00 PM

sis these are good , honest views, and getting the praise you so-much deserve. mine only tried to kill me , seems tame by comparison. you have more balls as a woman than I ever had as a man ! I learn more truths each day. I am so proud of you. we poor abused kids. a bond from hell. Elizabeth. xxx

Shaunda Lindsay
Date: 3/16/2016 12:47:00 PM

ahahaha I do have big balls don't I? Ah! You're wonderful. We must keep growing lest we stagnate.

Skat A

Date: 3/15/2016 5:26:00 PM

Epic write, the Title gave me and impression of someone who is not afraid to tell it like it is. great read. SKAT

Shaunda Lindsay
Date: 3/15/2016 6:11:00 PM

Thanks SKAT A.It is what it is :) I cannot hide from what I did as a child nor will I hide the sins of my father from the world any more. It's the secrets that destroy a person.

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 3/15/2016 1:25:00 AM

Hi, Shaunda, this poem is deemed to constitute the same path of us a Judas... I assume. Your poem is amazing. I think hiding and pretending aren't going to make it better.. we don't win, maybe at the end... Maybe! A perfect 7 write... Luv...Linda

Shaunda Lindsay
Date: 3/15/2016 8:39:00 AM

Thank you so much.One of the worst things I took away from my childhood was a huge sense of guilt. My father was an equal opportunity abuser and we were poor so we slept many kids to a room. I truly don't know which was worse. Getting it, or being passed by for the night. My older sister gave herself up to my father because she believed his lies that she'd be able to save us by sacrificing herself. I wasn't so foolish. I my mind, she was like Jesus and I was a Judas.