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In Lieu of the Rodeo

Oh cripes I’ve gotta tell yer of a horror ride I had, That beat any bronc or bull I’ve rode, and I must say I’m glad, I’ll never have to ride like that, again to hold me seat. Now rodeo is ‘kiddies’ stuff compared to what I beat. I’d been knockin’ ‘round the circuit an’ was headin’ to the ‘Hill’. I was lookin’ out for action ‘cause I had some time to kill, So I called to see a mate o’ mine, an’ he turned on a spree, But grog, peanuts and pickled onions don’t agree with me. I s’pose it was ‘round midnight, I stirred in his shearers hut. I woke up hearing grumblin’ an’ it was comin’ from me gut, So I thought I better visit the house that’s up the back. Me head was pretty ‘woosy’ an’ it was a wobbly track. But I settled down to do the job contented on the throne; Suddenly the still was broke an’ trees began to moan, The flamin’ breeze began to roar into a mighty squall, An’ branches broke, an’ iron crashed against the dunny wall. The dunny started moving and was leaning to one side, Just like the chute gate opened and I’m goin’ for a ride, One second I was bolt upright, and now I’m on me head, I was clinging on a winner, and then we hit the shed. The dunny spun a circle and the dunny roll shot free, An' wrapped itself around me neck an’ damn near strangled me. Bloody redbacks started flying from their secret hidin’ place, An' I reckon that a hundred were clingin’ to me face. Then a resident old taipan who’d been dozing in the rafter Was flamin’ blamin’ me for this creation of disaster, It was snapping in the turmoil at me hands and at me feet, But let me tell you hear and now. I held on to that seat. For nothing on this flamin’ earth would ever get to throw, Me from this position, ‘cause I know what’s down below, So when the twisting dunny bounced off a coupla’ trees, I had me ankles ‘round me ears and me head between me knees. Even then above the din I could hear the constant hum, From a hundred thousand blowflies bouncing off me bum. But let me tell you once again, it’ll be a mighty feat, For just one of them blowies to get past me on the seat. An' then just like it started, the wind subsided in the night, But I’m further up the track in the dunny back upright. I’m battered, bruised and bitten, still clinging to the seat, So at the rodeo ‘tomorra’… I’ll still be smelling sweet.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 12/9/2021 10:25:00 PM
Hi Lindsay Oh yes you have to be an ‘Aussie’ Loved this ha ha What an ordeal your humour and detail was great Excellent read Cheers Chris
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/17/2021 9:23:00 PM
Hello Christine ... it really goes down well when recited at a poets brekkie. Thank you for your kind comment Christine - Lindsay
Date: 7/12/2020 7:01:00 PM
I defy anyone to find a funnier, better composed story poem than "In Lieu of the Rodeo." The "backwoods argot" is perfect, and the description of the events is hilarious. I marvel at the magnitude of your poetic gift. Thank you, Lindsay. Hugs, Paul
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 7/25/2020 11:19:00 PM
Hello Paul ... as always, I appreciate your comment, which is what is named bush poetry over here. They really rely on events, one after one, just keep going wrong in a comical way - thank you Paul - Lindsay
Date: 5/24/2020 2:18:00 PM
I laughed all the way through this clever creative humorous write Lindsay. This is your number one write listed for a good reason. It is hilarious and deserving! I am Faving it! Thank you for the cheer today. Hugs xxoo
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 5/24/2020 6:30:00 PM
Hello Connie … I'm really pleased you enjoyed this rodeo humour verse. Because you laughed right through it, obviously you created a picture of the chaotic scene. I must admit I even laugh when reading it - thank you once again Connie - Lindsay
Date: 8/26/2018 3:40:00 PM
Your recent visit to a couple of my poems, prompted me to return the favor. I'm glad I went to your "best of" list and found this gem, which will be a FAV for me! Well done and thanks for the laugh. I wrote a couple of somewhat similar poems last year. A bad day for mom and The outhouse fiasco. I'm not nearly as accomplished as you though, but FYI....I'm very impressed!!!........80).....Pat
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 8/28/2018 9:46:00 PM
Thanks for reading this poem and I'm pleased you enjoyed it. At Country Music festivals, the day begins with a poets breakfast, and for two hours it is filled with humorous verse and laughter - I reckon we're all accomplished in our own way, and that's what makes reading poetry enjoyable - Lindsay
Date: 1/17/2016 5:47:00 PM
can't seem to find a poem I have not read before(please let me know if you know of one) Anyway finally thought to check your BEST poems list here at Soup. I saw this before, but did you know: This is number one of your stuff. I bet it has gotten a lot of faves. It is hilarious!!
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/26/2016 11:07:00 PM
Andrea, you have given me great support here and I thank you for this. No, I didn't know this was number one but I am surprised. I didn't think too many would understand the lingo - thanks again Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 6/13/2015 10:11:00 PM
Simply hilarious and sure to become a classic. Mulga Bill would be jealous. LOL
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Date: 3/15/2015 7:17:00 AM
Hello Lindsay, Heavy shades of Patterson's talent in this one. Very,very creative, original idea & you wrote it just like Patterson would've if he would of thought of it. Simply brilliant Lindsay. Kind regards---John PS: if you keep this up i will have to bow down to you when I see you in the street
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/21/2015 2:29:00 AM
G'day John... don't embarrass me John. You will never have to me, but we would swap yarns. This is the kind of poetry I hear at poets breakfasts and some of it is truly side splitting. Catch you soon John - Lindsay
Date: 3/4/2015 12:04:00 PM
This is the second time I have read it, and it just keeps getting better. I presume you have rodeos in Australia. In fact, there's quite a bit of cultural overlap with Texas, I think. This is the stuff I love to read instead of all the Emo crap. Cheers, Roy
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/11/2015 6:56:00 PM
G'day Roy... oh yes, there's rodeos alright; mostly in northern australia where it's cattle country. One thing they don't have that Texas has is oil wells. I presume they mostly still have outhouses too. I'm a bit like you on poetry preference too. Thank you Roy, and catch you soon - Lindsay
Date: 3/3/2015 7:44:00 PM
I agree with Jerry T... should be a 10+++ HILARIOUS my dear Lindsay... my kind od stuff!!! Love and hugs, Jacko xxx
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/3/2015 8:44:00 PM
G'day Jack... and thanks for having a read. I do agree, it would be hilarious watching someone else copping a ride like this. Perhaps it could be added as a rodeo event. Regards Jack - and you'll hear from me soon - Lindsay
Date: 3/3/2015 6:09:00 PM
I don't think I have this hard in a long time I have tears rolling down my face. This is great should be a song. Love it. Smiles janet
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/3/2015 8:40:00 PM
G'day Janet... A song Janet. Never thought of that... just as long as if I don't sing it for the sake of human ears. Thank you Janet, I'm glad you got a giggle of this bit of nonsense. Catch you soon - Lindsay
Date: 3/3/2015 2:02:00 PM
omg, what a ride!! I am not sure on the word dunny. It sounds like you are talking about an outhouse and it was moving? That is hilarious if it is what I was imagining!! You are great with rhyme and meter too!
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/3/2015 5:50:00 PM
G'day Andrea... Yes your thinking is right; a dunny is the outhouse and the theme behind it is instead of riding a bull, I'm riding the dunny seat. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 3/2/2015 8:35:00 PM
I am late to the rodeo -- but I add my boots, hat, and belly laughs to everyone's comments. We here in Texas love a good rodeo -- smells and all!! Loved it. 7
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 8:51:00 PM
G'day David... Ah thank you David. The bloody bulls frighten the living daylights out of me. As an aside, my daughter spent four years in Texas; most of her time at South Plains College and then in Lubbock. Loved it... she visits every second year now. Thank you once again David - Lindsay
Date: 3/2/2015 6:57:00 AM
Very funny and entertaining, Lindsay! Like Jerry, I'm not a fan of long poetry, but this one just sped by; lovely and effortless rhyme, too. #7 // paul
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 8:22:00 PM
Thanks again Paul for reading and commenting. I do agree with your thoughts on long poetry. If the story line wavers (or is no story) then the poem is lost to an audience. Regards - Lindsay
Date: 3/2/2015 6:12:00 AM
Silly system---this is obvious a 10 !
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Date: 3/2/2015 6:09:00 AM
I'll tell you Mate, I usually am put off on reading long poems of sorts---but that first paragraph put me on the slippery slope to taking the whole ride, "Good Show" my friend.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 8:17:00 PM
Thank you Jerry for seeing out the journey... I normally try to write poems between and ten verses for reciting (around three minutes). Any longer, if the story isn't strong, then 'bang!' the poet is a goner. The audience has either gone to sleep or lost track so I ununderstand perfectly what you said about being put off. Catch you soon Jerry - Lindsay
Date: 3/2/2015 5:37:00 AM
LOL! How come I missed this, Lindsay? You never warned me...haha. Oh but I had a real good laugh! Awesomely entertaining write! HUgs and smiles. :D Kim
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 8:10:00 PM
Hey there Kim... thanks for dropping by and putting up a comment. I dunno, there's something about poems involving dunnies and misfortunes that we all find humorous... as long as we are not the one caught out. Regards Kim - Lindsay
Date: 3/1/2015 4:50:00 PM
I agree with Shadow Lindsay - your witty write is brilliant:-) Hugs jan xx
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 8:03:00 PM
G'day Jan... thanks once again for commenting on my lines of silliness. Combining rodeo, outdoor toilet, and a tornado is similar situation to riding on the back of a mad bull. Catch you soon Jan - Lindsay
Date: 3/1/2015 3:23:00 PM
oh my what a hilarious pen Lindsay superb and welcome to soup you surely fit right into our mix. ty for visiting my page I live in the UK fav poem fav poet and a 7 hugs
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 3/2/2015 7:54:00 PM
Hello Shadow... thanks for your encouraging comment and the blog you put up. Apology for putting you in the wrong country. I prefer nature and humour topics, and I've been impressed with many poets and poems on poetrysoup. It's a pleasure to visit your page and shortly today I'll read through a number of your poems. Thanks again for your support Shadow - Lindsay