Illness Doesn'T Define You

It feels like a lifetime ago... when I had the strength and endurance of two people. Why I could work inside or outside for 6 to 8 hrs. without difficulty. I could get a lot done in a day. The years have hurried by...I can no longer do the things I use to... what an awakening! For example...I sat at the beach recently... thinking back on the days I use to run along on the sand... stopping to look at shells and rocks. I had so much fun! Sometimes I'd take my kids along...we would spend hours building sand castles...or play in the water. Now I can no longer run and play on the beach...or in the mountains...or even at home. I need to use a cane or walker to get around. It's quite the reality check to realize I will never get to run or play on the beach again. I can only sit...watching as others do. Yet part of me is ok with this. I must deal with the cards I was given... although that isn't always easy. Things are as they should be. I had my turn to live my life... under the shadow of being abused I now only feel sorry for myself every now and again. I can very easily loose my leg strength and balance... then it becomes the time for me to crawl. I have had Parkinsons for about the last 10 years. I can no longer work or drive a car. I use to be very independant. I get embarresed when others look at me cause I feel that they are laughing at me. I have since realized...in my heart...If crawling is the only way for me to get somewhere...then I am no less a person. Sometimes when I've crawled...my cat's walk along... and I've been known to let out a " Meow". To think I was a nurse for 20 years...and I've had 2 books published... even typing with 1 finger. I realized that I have a lot to be greatful for. After all...my name is not Parkinsons or abused lady or worthless person...or any other negative name someone might call me...or I think of myself. My name is " Pam" and I'm uniquely and wonderfully made... and so are you. So learn to love yourself... so you can love and accept others. For we all have some kind of short coming... after all...we are only human. P.R. Deremer