I Was So Lost

I Was So Lost I had been raised in church but a religious church. They did acknowledge there was a God but His Son was pictured as dead upon a cross. This was the picture that I carried all during my younger days and until I was 29 years old. I was so shocked to learn that He was living and that He did rise from the dead and He was alive again and is coming soon! When we would go to church I used to think the Priest was God. I remember going to confession as a child and making up things to confess because I did not know what all to say or I really did not know what were sins and what wasn’t a sin. When I was 17 I ran away from home and got married. That marriage lasted almost 20 years. We were not in trouble but I did not believe that my mother wanted me so more than anything else it was an escape. When I think back when I was a young child I was as normal as any other child but when I became a young adult then I knew or began to know that something truly was missing from my life but what? Oh how I longed to be wanted and really loved. I longed to be needed and I wanted so much to be a good mother and to raise my four children to be responsible adults. So one day I decided to start taking my children to church so I took them to a Catholic church in our town. Then I began attending a young women’s meeting at church where I met a lot of young mothers like me. Also I met a young woman who had been studying to be a nun but instead had married and had four children. She asked me to come to her home for lunch and to bring my youngest child with me so he and her child could play together. Our other children were in school at this time. My friend began to talk to me about this Jesus and inside I was thinking, does she not know that He is dead! But she kept talking to me about Him like He was alive and gave me a book to read about knowing Jesus and being filled with His Holy Spirit and it was called the Holy Spirit and You. I devoured that book and after the kids were in bed and their dad was at work I would kneel down at my bed and ask this God into my heart night after I night I would do this without any change in my life. I finally came to the conclusion that He did not want me so I finally gave up. One day when she asked us up for lunch again she asked me Marilyn would you like to ask Jesus into your life? And I told her well I think maybe that He does not want me Chris”. She said why would you think that? I said because I have asked Him many times and I do not feel any different so I thought He did not come in when I asked Him to. She asked did you believe that He came in when you asked Him? I said, oh you have to do that to? And when I realized that He did come in the first time I asked Him then the changes began in my life. It was like He turned my life right side up and He took away the darkness and brought His light! Not long after that I began to seek the Baptism in the Holy Spirit now, that was a quest for sure. Again every night that the kids were in bed and my husband was at work, I would kneel down at the bed and ask Him to fill me with His Spirit then I would, don’t laugh now, hold onto my bed frame so I would not fly around the room. You talk about being ignorant about the things of the Lord! Yes, but I was so hungry for Him. It was like I had been starving my whole life and when I found out why; I wanted everything of Him that was available! Oh, my God was so loving and patient with me. Not long after I started seeking for the Holy Spirit, I was in the hospital with a blood clot in my left leg from a surgery and the blood was shut off in my leg. My friend came to see me and I asked her if she could speak in tongues just any time and she said yes. I said, would you do it now? She laid her hand upon my head and began to pray in tongues and I knew when I heard it that it was God! That night the Lord filled me with His Spirit in my sleep. When I woke up the next morning the colors in the room were all brighter and everyone that came to see me in the hospital I told about Jesus. I drove more people off that day but, the Lord replaced my old friends with new friends. When I got home from the hospital I began to speak in tongues and I led my four children to the Lord and three of them were filled with the Holy Ghost in ages 11, 9, 6, only the four year old didn’t receive right then but hez has now. The Lord has cultivated my life which had been sad and lonely but now He has filled it with joy! As a baby Christian He began using me to pray and intercede for others and used me in a healing and deliverance ministry but really for over 40 years He has used me as a prayer warrior as well. My God was so loving and kind with me, yet firm and He helped me to grow up in Him mentally and spiritually and I even have become an ordained minister of the Gospel along with my second husband. The greatest part of this testimony of my life is that if He did it for me I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, He can do it for you! God bless, Written by: Marilyn S. Jennings July 2018