I Swear, I'M Fine

‘are you okay?’ they ask, and i reply, ‘really, why are you worried? i swear, i’m fine.’ but i know that i’m really not okay that this is all a mask, a pretty face when in reality, i’m not all right in fact, i’m actually quite messed up everything feels so weird all the time somehow, i always feel like i’m committing a crime something is amiss, that much is clear and if i had a choice, i’d rather not be here i wish i was a cloud so i could fly so i could soar into the sky my books have more of myself in them there’s only enough human in me to fill a finger i’m not a person, but a something or maybe even sometimes nothing it sure feels like i’m an alien why else would i feel like such a failure? the guilt eats on me from inside my chest and in my shameful silence i am but a guest we stand together now in my dreams, so fierce and proud and if i can for just a moment stay then let me never wake again to this plane of existence where everything’s so different in my head, people are brave, have guts to stand up, arms bare with no cuts there are a lot of mental disorders and i’m not saying i’m above them but i don’t really relate to any must everything have a label? maybe i can pretend to be okay and then everything will be just great and if sometimes i might cry then don’t worry, i swear, i’m fine