Griselda

There was a garden gnome named Griselda who lived by my back garden gate she was nasty and mean, at times quite obscene to Gregor, her poor garden mate. She screeched and she stomped as she threw things like my spade and my best flower-pots she awaited on my roof- no escape, oh forsooth! No avoiding her devious plots! She found the fake rock in my flowerbed where I'd hidden our spare house-key I'm not crazy my dear, but I suddenly feared that she'd put something into my tea! What was that just under my tea bag- was it a toadstool of some sort? My stomach started churning as the toadstool was turning into a small lemur with warts! Oh, where did this awful beast come from? He smiled, tipped his wee hat to me. Not really a pest, but his grin was grotesque 'though his manners were gentlemanly... I covered my eyes for a moment and to my relief, he was gone- but a strange conga-line sporting underwear (mine?!) was out merrily painting my lawn! In various hues psychedelic, Griselda and her garden gnome fiends were madly displacing, distorting, defacing my view by all mischievous means... And worse, they were singing in chorus a horrible polka-type song and Griselda's foul singing was rapidly bringing yowling cats in great sing-a-long throngs! Overwhelmed by the swirling colors and that song- oh, how my head throbbed! I retreated to my room, where amid the dark gloom Gregor groaned, and he grieved, and he sobbed. A timid little gnome, quite by nature the most fragile you ever will meet he screamed with great fright as I turned on the light and fell dead in a faint at my feet. I finally revived the poor fellow with whiskey and a Japanese fan and 'though he was shaken, I saw he was taken by the mention of forming a plan... He pulled some odd stuff from his pockets and ground them into a fine powder we mixed some in cakes, sprinkled some on some steaks and poured all the rest in some chowder... We laid out this feast for Griselda and she barged in with eyes bright and beady although quite suspicious, the food looked delicious so she ate it, for she was quite greedy! Then she paused for a moment, and grimaced a faraway look in her eye then she giggled and leered, wobbled and veered and we knew she was hammered and high! She mumbled a bit about goblins and pixies, her face in a wince then (Gregor delighted) she took off affrighted and we haven't seen or heard from her since!