Dead Man's Float

I should have seen that everything was just words before I was swimming in an ocean of hurt. The deepest depths of the sea lurched towards me and I inhaled water. I welcomed it, lulled like a sailor drawing ever closer to his end, making his way to the siren until with one final breath he exhales his last and she pulls him down with her. Yes, I welcomed the beauty of the ocean knowing I would die and there lies my body. Can you see it? That was me. It drifts beneath the surface until it will make it's way to the top bobbing again amongst the waves but I'm still lifeless. I feel nothing. I see nothing. There's no light behind these eyes because I drowned in water, the thing that should be healthy for you. I guess that's what friendship is. I guess that's what love is. It makes you hate yourself. Makes you wish you'd never trusted anyone. Nobody cared because if they did they would have told you that they were going. Not once but twice. Gone are the days of naively believing that anyone actually cherishes you. Gone are the days. You see yourself for what you really are, an object to be used and then thrown away. Had I known I never would have trusted, I never would have looked. I would have left the sea to walk on land because the land may be dry and barren but at least the land is there. The sea's waves come and go as they please and never cease to leave a corpse floating like wood, the wood that I cut for my bed that I made that wasn't stable. Now I'm able to see that I never mattered. Now, I'm able to see. Now I'm able to see that the sea, the sea never loved me. The sea was a lie. The sea was a lie and no matter how hard you try you can't escape the inevitable outcome of it hitting your lungs as you scream silently and realize you're drowning. That was almost two weeks ago. I'm decomposing and bloated amongst the waves. They say that God saves and maybe He'll breath me back to life but until then I float. I float. I drift and I float.