Charlie Countryman

Blank is this sheet of paper before me my life in a tailspin, please someone catch it like a firefly and hold it in place, keep it balanced so I can grab on to the railing steady myself, stop it from spinning upside down or better yet can you remove these tubes from my mother make her stand up and walk again over to me wrap her arms around me embrace me like she used to like when I was a child I can't survive this way, I don't know how so in protest to these feelings of guilt and distress I ingest a pill meant to cure a pain in my back maybe this time it will heal the hole in my heart as these idiots in lab coats can't do more to save her It's unfair, this has been her home for so long when she was mine holding onto her too strong She was a complicated mess, a complicated woman but I love her, she's my mother and it tears me up cause I feel like I can see her soul leave her body and it tears me up that all is numb I hear nothing as she flat lines, they're removing everything trying to revive her though there it's over, her celebrated life there it's over, I can never go back home again I've been evicted and the more it swirls, it sinks and sinks, a sunken pirate ship cause it's stolen my composure, a big hole in my chest like she took a piece of me with her in her ascent Mom...please don't leave me, Ma..please, wait a second, wait a second I still have this awful, haunting parting memory of you engraved in my head I can't make it better, I can't make it better... can you make it better, change it to something nicer I ask her, her ghost and with a silent kiss Poof! goes my weakness and in comes a childlike innocence in a cloud as she took me to a bridge, a pier of sorts and she swooped me in her arms full of joy sweet pleasantries of beauty as she told me to go to Bucharest to catch my breath, rest my head, find serenity and peace I won't question it, my life has been without direction so hopefully this will be my resurrection but unbeknownst to me, this will be the start of the necessary death of me Charlie Countryman