Cat 5

I saw a cat quartet within my dodgy dream, Sorta started worryin' that I'd gone off the beam, Really began to wonder if my mind was gettin' weak, They had their own language that only they could speak. While Cat number 1 was teachin' me the talk, Old number 2 was showin' me the walk, I walked over to 3 like I was struttin' the town, 4 said, "Dang, Holmes, I think you got it down." And I kept on walkin,' past number 3, Next thing you know they're all yellin' at me, And I mean howlin' with a haughty disdain, Was thinkin' to myself, "Man, this is gonna be a pain." Well they read me out the law right there, they gave me all the cites, "When you try to get private, you pirate away our rights," "You gotta stick close to us, stay within the hive," "If you don't get with it then you'll meet Cat 5." "We need that close access, need you to stay put," "We want to keep in tight, be right underfoot." "This a serious deal, this ain't no random jive," "You hang right with us or we'll call Cat 5." Well now I was thinkin,' I'd seen no such cat alive, "Maybe like a Boogeyman, ain't no real 5." But old Cat 3 saw me, he knew where I was at, He said, "Oh no, man, 5's a real Cat." "And when you talk about him, you use that capital C," "'Cuz he's the biggest baddest Cat there'd ever likely be." Right then I saw that number 4 was pushin' out a baby grand, Number 1 told me, "Oh yeah, man, we got a country band." Cat 2 produced a fiddle, and handed out the pirate hats, Cat 3 tuned up a banjo, Cat 1 - a cricket bat. 2 told me, "Stay with us, bud, we'll never steer you wrong." He tapped a foot, pulled a whisker, they started to play their song. "Inbred Man" Copyright 2016 Magnetic Kitty Music (Written and performed by Pirate Cat and the Privateers) (Produced by Authentic Cat Productions) I was always a country boy, Stacked tobacco old and new, My grandma Sue and my grandpa Roy, Helped us raise our pigs and chew. I fed my daddy's huntin' dog, I knew his mistress ewe, And momma, sis, and our pet hog, Were christened Sue and Sue and Sue. Chorus: Inbred man, inbred man... <----(really let the vocals soar here) Concentratin' all my genes just the best that I can... My daddy raised chickens in our oven, And he gave to me the key, He said, "Son, when it comes to lovin,' We keep it in the family." Some days my eyes don't quite uncross, And I tend to break out in hives. My daddy said, "See here, Hoss, We don't do plural wives." "One wife is all this life should yield, And I'll lay it out for you. No use in lookin' far afield, There sits your sister Sue." * At that point the cats quit playin,' For a click came from the door, By the side of the room, I'm sayin,' Where the piano had come with 4. Cats 1 through 3 didn't look too bad, Cat 4 shut down the tape drive, I didn't care, I was just glad, We were gonna see Cat 5! And then it all fell apart, ah man, I mean, I was in a room with no cats to be seen, And some clown was screaming down in the lobby, Because like an idiot, he'd run a spear clean through his leg. Now, dagnabbit - I had sort of wanted to hear the end of the song, I figured the main character was gonna go ahead and marry his sister, And then they'd have a daughter and name her Sue. Hmm... Come to think of it, that song is a mite insensitive. But mostly I was mad because now I'd never see Cat 5. It had already made me so mad that things had stopped rhyming, And I kept thinking about it, kept getting even madder and madder yet, And then the doggone poem ended.