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Caged Darkness

I'm laced in sherbet flakes, swirling in aching wind~ as the sun sails amidst somber silence stars scatter secrets in silver across moonlit skies that shimmer hope.. echoing as diamond-dreams upon hushed sighs of sorrow. listen to my heartbeat drifting through caged darkness~time unravels truth… Form of poetry; 1-Cinquain 2- Tanka 3- Monoku

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Andrea Dietrich

Date: 4/22/2024 2:50:00 PM

Wow never saw this before. Really impressive. A fave

Karen Croft

Date: 1/15/2024 5:23:00 PM

I can feel myself in your poem

Paige Hind

Date: 12/27/2023 6:57:00 PM

A breathtaking piece, so many glorious images, yet still brought down to our level...

Evelyn Judy Buehler

Date: 12/23/2023 1:16:00 AM

A beautiful contest contender, with stunning images. I adored the cinquain. Best wishes for the contest. :)

Clive Culverhouse

Date: 12/23/2023 12:20:00 AM

A very poetic write IE, i particularly like stars scatter secrets - for me stars house planets and life is on the planets so life is the scattered secrets, really enjoyed that

Valsa George

Date: 12/22/2023 11:17:00 PM

'Aching wind, somber silence, diamond dreams'.... ! Your epithets are unique and piercing. In your monoku, I hear your 'heartbeats drifting through caged darkness.' Your monoku unwinds the subtle nuances of sorrow that lurk in the unlit corners of your mind in a poignantly succinct way. All the Best dear Empress.

Yann Rolland

Date: 12/22/2023 6:18:00 PM

wonderful piece, there is always some hope, merry christmas poet

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 12/22/2023 5:08:00 PM

I loved the alliteration and imagery in your three verses. I found the Monoku filled with wisdom. How beautifully you wove the three different forms together. I assume this is for a contest. At any rate, your poem was exquisite..and such an enjoyable read. Have a great weekend, hugs, Sara

Heidi Sands

Date: 12/22/2023 4:16:00 PM

Time does unravel truth. Well said. Hold onto that hope. :)

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 12/22/2023 3:27:00 PM

So well done. A beautiful succinct piece.

Vijay Pandit

Date: 12/22/2023 1:03:00 PM

Beautiful imagery nicely woven in emotions, Ink. Expert rendering of 3 forms seamlessly blended in lovely tone and flow.

Silent One

Date: 12/22/2023 11:15:00 AM

Oh i wonder what it is like to be laced in sherbet flakes.. sound sweet.. All three of your forms are full of metaphors, the first is the cinquains which highlights the angst you are trying to display and the tanka expresses your feelings in greater deal hidden behind metaphors and great use of alliteration and you monoku concludes it perfeclty.. i hope someone can listen to your heartbeat and understand them.. Best of luck in the contest dear..

Susan Ashley

Date: 12/22/2023 9:51:00 AM

Dear Ink Empress, the trio of forms blend seamlessly together to produce stunning cohesive flow and imagery. The Monoku is an ingenious finale to an exquisite emotive piece. Fantastic, my friend! I feel this will score high in the contest. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Tonye George

Date: 12/22/2023 9:42:00 AM

Those night silent screams can also be heard sometimes. I really loved the last line "time unravels truth" it's like a rubber band, it comes back firing hard. And one day the sky is going to be too full with secrets, it would pour out like rainfall. Lovely written Ink.

Sara Kendrick

Date: 12/22/2023 8:58:00 AM

Reads like a good contender for the contest. Way to go. Thanks for sharing this one with us. I do wonder what secrets those stars hold. Thanks for stopping by my page. Sara K

Sotto Poet

Date: 12/22/2023 8:15:00 AM

Dear Ink, the arrangement of these three forms (Cinquain, Tanka, Monoku) is very wonderful. It implies perfectionism, gracefully gliding in complete balance. The deft use of diction, accentuated by the alluring use of alliteration, is extremely captivating. The intense cravings of the heart, as you have eloquently expressed, try to escape from a life of secret, anxiously looking for the mystic portions of the universe to expose its hidden enigmas.

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 12/22/2023 7:30:00 AM

What a creative/wonderful write. Not easy to write. Good Luck... Looks like we both did this one. Merry Christmas..................

Hiya Sharma

Date: 12/22/2023 6:58:00 AM

Oh my, this is a gorgeous take for the contest, dear Ink! Your pattern of placing these forms really feels so impeccable as it flows in a mellifluous way.The wordplay along with alliterative elegance is so stunning, as you've described how the heartbeat wishes to emerge with truths from the caged darkness and seeks the elements of cosmos to reveal those secrets..Ahh, this truly mesmerized my heart! "I'm laced in sherbet flakes","stars scatter secrets in silver across moonlit"Wow, magical this is

Hiya Sharma
Date: 12/22/2023 7:16:00 AM

"echoing as diamond-dreams upon hushed sighs of sorrow" Such dreamy descriptions you've carved hede, so beautifully.. And that monoku is just perfect. I think it should do very well in the contest, sending my best wishes and light :)

The Aura Rhymes

Date: 12/22/2023 6:16:00 AM

Wow …. I’ve never read three in one together . You did it so flawlessly.