Buried

I'm buried. Buried under the layers of myself of who I am... who I want to be and who I'm meant to be. Smothered under the gravity of expectations... of the world, my family, myself, even God. I feel the weight of the trust that others have placed in me. On me Pulled thinly in a thousand directions. I'm confined, imprisoned by my choices. Choices well considered by a younger more idealistic version of myself. One I still wish to be? No! Am I regretful? No! Do I lament my youthful decisions? I do not. Am I in turmoil? Absolutely Have I discovered there is room in my heart that was not there before? Undoubtedly I've always known my heart was vast. Accepted that I would never be limited to love only a few. Rejoiced in it even. But never in my imaginings did I consider that there was a particular compartment being kept solely for you. I did not know that I could so willingly split myself in two. That I would compromise so vastly all that I've known for a love forbidden to me. Out of reach. Out of bounds Am I blameworthy? Guilty? Yes...no...yes...no... yes I don't know anymore...lines are so blurred. Of this I am certain... I'm in deep Profoundly, thoroughly and deeply Buried