Abuse

You weep without tears for a son now long gone. But that is a lie. Tears flow without being summoned, When you don’t expect them. Recalling a laugh, or a cry, or a moment in a happier time or simply being there with him. Still. They just steal out like drops of sweat Stinging your eyes. You sniffle. You pretend it’s nothing You wipe your eyes and sniffle. A little. The pain remains When you see his smile Hear his voice And see his face In an image that never fades. So you focus on your daughter, Herself long gone Still alive, But not to me. Cutting you out of her life For a folly. For a foolishness. For a fatuity. For a fault. For a failure. For a frenzy. A failure. Cutting you out totally. A folly that that haunts me That keeps my granddaughter from me, Forever. I have seen her once. For a few treasured hours. On the far side of the world. She smiles at me from my phone. Is this all it will ever be? I hope not. Why do I not pray? There is no point to that. Ever. Do I despair? Do I analyse? Do I question? Do I rail against fate? Do I blame? Only myself. Do I regret? Yes.