I’m not there yet and that’s ok
Two steps forward one and half step backward
The war is won by inches not feet
I’ve been here and my vision is blurred
That’s ok because I know the fog isn’t forever
Sometime you have to take a hit to get a hit
Bittersweet deserves its own hotel key
Despite it all I still have a renewed grit
Life is short and this war will be shorter
I already see my problem as part of the past
Like a movie I prefer life not in white and black
Marred with colors we picked the best cast
I press on with a trolling skip
The devil dances and so can the angels
Like black ops this mission requires psyops
Beautifully in control of chaos’ variables
THE VOICE
What has been silence is now a soft sigh
Although not yet words, it’s still a voice
It will soon be maturing and have its say
And a message shared, come what may
Leaving none in doubt, with no choice
All to be somehow affected, by and by
Ever more deeply, it penetrates the soul
A resonance and rhythm, not just sound
A certain resolute tone may be detected
And yet nothing less was ever expected
With vibration in the air and the ground
As comprehension is always a final goal
Words are just like bullets in the magazine
Some fired wildly, others carefully aimed
Those who are targeted can gasp and fall
Yet some can never even take a hit at all
One can be inspired, but others shamed
A few may have turned to flee the scene
But finally, all the sighs do become quiet
All words spoken have played their hand
Some voices were softer, but others loud
Others to have just got lost in the crowd
But a critical few must try to understand
With such impact that none can deny it
And I'm starting to remember
What I'm trying to forget
My sober state of mind
Is giving me a fit
Demons in my head
I can't take a
More I think about it
The mader i get
My demons win again
It's time to take a hit
Who am I kidding
I'm so inadequate
I'm Just a drug addict
I can never quit
Put the gun to my head
and just get it over with
Which reminds me
I'm starting to remember
What I'm trying to forget
Insanity©
10/12/23
By: Dustin Branum
Sit alone in my room again
My curtains are black so the light can’t come In even though I want it to
Self destruction is my only home
And the only one I’ve ever known
Light up that cigarette
Take a hit of that pen
Get high again to say too much
Clean the dishes and go to bed
Everyday is the same so why should I stay
My bones can be broken by stones and sticks,
But cruel words can also get in their licks.
At times, it's more than bones that take a hit -
Other parts are vulnerable, I admit.
Sadly, words can even break my brain,
Rendering me certifiably insane.
Yet, far worse than that, for heaven's sake,
Sometimes, they cause my heart to break.
Path walked measured with words,
Stripping the unwanted ones down, to be newly clothed.
Lost swooning over how much happiness the heart can take,
Felt those properly sieved emotions flowing through.
The words kept coming as the path was walked.
The farther the path was walked, the heavier the words were to strip off.
Could either take it or take a hit.
Feeling both the warm and cold inside.
The hovering cost of being myself for too long.
While it seems like it is a lot of work,
The control over the words I embrace makes it all better.
That I can choose the words I take a hit for.
This is a point of view of a family member whose mental health was ignored and his voices made him do these unthinkable atrocities to his own family. Real or fictional it can be both
The poem in free verse…….
Sister, brother, mother, dad
I’m standing over here
Something’s a m a t t e r with me
Keep on doing your things
Leave me - be in the s t i n g
I’ll self m e d i c a t e before I fall
Secretly hiding
Killing you all
One by one
Don’t you want some help
Let me know
If the knots are too tight
H e l p me now
Don’t make this hard
Don’t run away
Stay and play
Please me
Take a hit - at me
M i s s y o u so much
Please scream, if you must
I’ll take you away but only when I’m done
Need a shower -
Hide you away
Clean your mess
Before I go away
Speak to my head
All night long
Did that please you
A letter was pushed through my door
The writing I’d not seen before
On the envelope it said ‘For Sue’
Written in red not black or blue
I opened it as Sue’s my name
Such vitriol meant to defame
But why had it been aimed at me
I just moved in just after three
The nature of the letter left me shaken
And I truly don’t like confrontation
There’s a knock at the door, I open it
But step back, afraid I may take a hit
A lady said, “I moved out yesterday
Please pass on any post my way”
I said, “Tell me are you called Sue
A letter came, I guess it’s for you.”
I retrieved the letter from the bin
Sue read it much to her chagrin
She said, “It’s from my evil Ex
I ditched him, life is so complex”
Sue came in and we drank tea
She had the same humour as me
Since then we became firm friends
So this is where the story ends
With nowhere else to turn,
I'm driving this defective time machine off a cliff
I'm the lead detective but I'm off this case
If blankets and pillows can harmonize as weapons,
Then consider this a sleep of faith
A gas mask couldn't save me from this room you've filled
with tantalizing radiation you call a breath of fresh air
Brothers from different smothers
And I know that life is short
But with all this going into my lungs,
I might as well take a hit to get there first
And I know that life isn't fair
But brothers in control together, stay together
And in a race to my lungs,
I know what could get there first
And in a race to my ears,
I know you would lay your curse
on thicker and cozier
than a wolf in sheep's clothing
And moving forward without knowing
Is looking like my ticket out of this hell hole
If your goal was for me to fear you,
You won in the wrong way
I only fear the that I'll grow further out of this
And unfasten this mask
And pump my breathing tubes with a heavy dose of ignorant bliss
Which we both know is just your poison in lavenders clothing
The winds of chaos run amok
To cause my soul to stress
As those about the Evening News
Delight at my distress.
These purveyors of disruption
Rot the world from within.
They fornicate their tired rubbish...
Finding glee in every sin.
We're they shunned by friends and family?
Did their psyche take a hit?
We're they picked last for indoor soccer?
Did their puppy up and quit?
I'm at a loss for explanation
Why they cheer the coming storm...
Twisting now the flesh of sainted truth
To keep their masters warm.
Do I dare to dream a simple dream
Knowing a little love is all they need.
But until they change... such heinous ways...
They'll get no love from me.
The End
Quit, Don’t Quit
When life throws you crap
Just stay put but don’t snap
When your alone and standing against a crowd
Just stay quiet, still and calm, no need to be loud
When people take a jibe at you because you are different
Trust yourself, and look ahead and know you are magnificient
When there is no meaning and clarity to your work
Hang on, Rome was not built in a day, so don’t go beserk
There is a time to stay and a time to move on
A time to take a hit and a time to give back
A time to be calm and a time to be furious
A time to be liked and a time to be disliked
A time when life is meaningful and time when it is meaningless
So when the time comes, don’t stay please quit.
stop telling me, trying to persuade me
that you won’t do what you do no more ‘cause
the first time left me blind, but now I see
it is what it is, you was what you was
the games the same men and boys like they toys
where you from a project slum taught you s---
tomorrow brought sorrow and little joy
what’s your point light the joint and take a hit
a change of mind can sure mess your mind up
fools and lies can be a futhamucka’
I brought all my bad habits and my cup
call your mother and tell her you love her
your sip and flip make me want to holler
cut the bulls--- and loan me five dollars
Have you heard about the latest ploy?
To deploy soy,
Into everything I enjoy,
My tastebuds to destroy.
Never mind that an allergy to soy,
Could affect your boy,
Or that flour in anything you buy has been bulked up with Soy,
Or that there is no room in the product for what used to meet your joy.
I almost forgot to mention that freedom to choose anything but Soy,
May soon be something else you may no longer enjoy,
As corn fields take a hit as they are replaced by soy
As planting of Soy is now common on American soil and jobs too will
be based on Soy.
With a free glass of soy milk during your break from planting soy.
Once your taste buds are destroyed by soy,
How will we tell if our hamburger is the real McCoy?
And that is not the only ploy,
You will see them deploy,
As mountains of salted caramel go into what does not contain soy.
The good news is there is still time for a counter ploy,
If we home bake and push up again the demand for the real McCoy,
But remember time is running out for you to deploy,
Before your taste buds they destroy.
I take a hit; with every hit my depression tends to fade.
This temporary high makes this world a better place.
I apologize to my family, my kids who I've pushed away
but If I stayed around I would have ruined your better days.
If I'd hold you in my arms for a second then
took my self away, would you be okay?
Or it it better that I stay away until my mind and heart is okay?
I want to heal. Who wants to be strung out?
Not knowing what moment would have been my last hit.
Who wants to not be in control of their own body?
Not me, but this drug is my only escape.
Asking you to understand me is selfish. I just need some time
and if forever is what I take, I apologize.
Apologize for my mistakes.
Apologize for choosing drugs over everything I had at stake.
Hopefully it doesn't defeat me in the end
but honestly, at this moment these are
the chances I am willing to take,
and if I do not come around before it is to late
I APOLOGIZE.
A car goes crash, a baby’s born;
A surgeon makes a cut.
A window opens for some light;
Another one is shut.
A sale is made, a bid is lost;
Investments take a hit.
Some progress happens somewhere,
Quite a lot or just a bit.
The news is great or things are worse
Or hanging in the air.
Decisions may be made or someone
Gives in to a dare.
The mini worlds we live in
Sometimes keep us safe inside,
But life goes on and we can never
Absolutely hide.
Whatever happens happens
To ourselves or to a friend
Or a relative or stranger
But it’s foolish to pretend
That each day and every minute
Something isn’t taking place.
If we’re lucky, we’ll be spared
And have no negatives to face.
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