Short Plumber Poems

under the sink

the plumber

switches rings...

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He's a bassist,
not a drummer,
a naval hero,
not a plumber - 
John Paul Jones....

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Men at work on the sky,
The welder just finished,
IronSmith started,
The plumber waiting!...

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bent over the wheel
                     the plumber rolls down his window 
                     just a crack...

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My mind is a drain that gets clogged. 
My pen is the snake that unclogg's the drain. 
So in essence I am my own plumber....

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Though I'm in the Fall of my Life
        I Spring into Summer

     Pipes frozen come Winter
        I call the plumber...

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One fine day last summer
came crazy Pete the plumber
he worked a whole week
I still have a leak
they just don't get any dumber...

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Rub-a-dub-dub
Three men in a tub
What were they doing there?
A grout guy, a plumber
Not sure who was dumber
The third guy to open the beer!...

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It seems our phone was on the blink
With a plumber under the sink
It seems the drip
Splashed on her slip
So she wondered what I might think . . . ....

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There once was a plumber named Bruce
who wore his pants much too loose.
While at Ms. McBee's
his pants fell to his knees
Oh my, how his crack could seduce!...

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There was a plumber from South Vernal
Who collected plumbing items supernal.
He loved them greatly
With devotion saintly
And slept every night with a urinal....

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Be happy

Lawyer

Plumber

or dentist

You create

You are here

You make

You are a producer

You are an integral part of the puzzle

Which one day

Shall be one....

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My plumber is here to sort my pipes.
Says he has divorced his wife.
He just showed me his hose.
Then proceeded to propose.
I admit I got the fright of my life....

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T’was her ninth month and early summer,
My wife said she’d heard nothing dumber,
After she had spoken,
Her water had broken...
And me ringing up for a plumber....

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A lady called Margaret Prideaux
Was a pretty and lonely young widow
But she no longer frowned
When the plumber came round
For she really enjoyed what he did, oh!...

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Have you seen the part time plumber?
He plumbs in winter and a pop-star in summer
During a plumbing job, he will thrust out his spanner
Singing into it “Copacabana”...

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A plumber called Geoffrey Golightly
Enjoyed making love almost nightly
But he got such a clout
When his wife caught him out
Now he’s holding his toolbox quite tightly...

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Denise was in love with a rich plumber
She'd fallen hard for his big black Hummer
   Though he was a grunge
   Denise took the plunge
Honeymoon fixing toilets ~ a bummer!...

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Repairs on the Labor Day holiday
To drain pipe a-drippin'--no headway.
Frustration is growing;
I think I'll be showing
These pipes to a plumber on Tuesday!...

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It’s the curse of the bent over plumber
Those who look say “Oh what a bummer”
It’s so silky and white
It must glow in the night
Hope it tans by the end of summer

©5/5/2023...

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P     Pipes corroded

L     Lies, folds, and bends 

U     Under a sink

M     Mans the phones

B     Butt crack showing

E     Extracts gook and hair

R     Rodents and snakes...

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Halloween's here!  It's the end of summer
Costumes, it seems, just keep getting dumber
I'm fixing the kitchen sink
And my wife said, "Let me think,
Pull up your pants or go as a plumber"...

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There once was a Marm with a dripping cold
Whose bright idea she feared would unfold:
Her deep scribed porcelain face
Was far harder to replace
Then a soaked sink her plumber could not hold.
...

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There lived a kind lady named Summer,
Her faithful spouse, he was a plumber
When her pipes became clogged,
To her rescue, he jogged
But forgot to kiss her, a bummer!
...

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Plumber’s Crack

While stuck awaiting the plumber
he thought “How could I be dumber”
‘twixt a text and a tweet 
lost touch with both feet
his now bluish cheeks growing number.


John G. Lawless
5/13/2015...

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