Best Toilet Poems

Toilet Bowl Committee (aka: Uptown Hood)

A lavatory confinement
my$h!tdontstinkcomode.com
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If you want to moderate this place, pick up the pace
From the mouth down to the @$$
Your so called kind has no class,
Fed by these political rejects, never elected for what was!
No matter,
They wipe their assets clean with...

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At times my words feel like turds
                                      In...

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I sit on the toilet...
planning my choice of clothing,
hairstyle, makeup and daily chores.
Using my eyeliner for writing
a reminder to myself on the toiletpaper,
and make me complete.
Leaving the bathroom aware that 
I used my reminder and flushed it down
the toilett.
      ...

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It was what it was
A stunning photograph
of
a
toilet

Ironically
it was
in the end
a microcosm
of
life 
today

Creative
and positive
in its composition

Limited
and depressing
in its
stark reality

No matter 
how 
you paint 
it
we 
are 
in 
the 
toilet of our existence

No matter
how you condemn it
it's how you deal with it
what you make of it
and in the...

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A poet, that's me I'm called Jan
Was NEVER a poetry fan
Now two books bear my name
Not for fortune or fame
I'll pen poop whenever I can!

If ever I am stuck for words
I resort to write about turds
Brown things that you poo
When you're sat on the loo
Poop...

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With your red rubber cup that makes suction. 
You have come in handy many a day, 
when there has been a flushing obstruction. 
I think you deserve hazard pay. 

You've saved toys, an unfortunate cell phone or two. 
Then there is always the times your...

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They call her big Gina
You'd know if you seen her
She is a toilet cleaner
She wears a white smock
Armed with bucket and a mop
She likes to keep things clean
And is a real scrubber
If you know what I mean
She whistles as she goes
With disinfectant wafting under her...

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Oh, toilet bowl
Did you hear me in the hall
Talking to that bastard wall
Asking who moved the door

Oh, toilet bowl
Don’t ever have gin and tonic
Cause inebriation is quite ironic
When lost in your own home
 
Oh, toilet bowl
So accessible and cool
Forgive my 90 proof drool
Irony is about...

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Limricks prompted by a comment made by someone today

It's a fact, and no longer just a rumor
Some soup people barf at toilet humor
Have you sniffed your own butt 
It stinks so keep it shut
Pessimism must be your perfumer

No one would believe that you never fart
Gas...

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Wet Was Toilet Seat

Here is my problem want to repeat;
Some liquid was left on toilet seat;
Made by man,
Who always can;
My frantic fanny and it would meet.

Jim Horn

How to greet a toilet seat and toilet
paper each sheet. Incidentally, I
always keep mine shut so the cats
can't drink...

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What does one do when in the public loo, 
Apart from the obvious one’s or two’s, well it’s true!
Walls decorated with an array of graffiti and words
Scribble, or jokes, tasteless, amusing or absurd  
The mischief one gets up to, in a moment of quiet
Who...

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I had a dream
Where all my clothes
Were in my toilet bowl
Clogging it.

Apparently this means that
I am drenched in emotions
Which need to be released
And expressed,

So I wrote
This poem....

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Loo humour it is my forte
Risqué rhymes, I’ll write night and day 
I’ve finished next book
Will you dare to look
It’s naughty – that’s all I will say!
...

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No Toilet Paper

My mind is boggled. 
What is with the Coronavirus mania? 
Why is everyone going freaking nuts over this? 
From what this writer understands, 
It is much like the regular flu, 
Which is killing thousands as we speak, and 
Hospitalizing even more. And this...

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To all you varmints
Who like to squeeze the Charmin's
I went to the grocery store one day 
And someone had the Charmin's squeezing away
I said hey what are you doing that for
Like come on right in the store
She looked at me like i was spun
Like it...

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