Best Gran Poems

It’s dreadful, a disaster, it’s a terrible calamity
Housewives going frantic for the thing they seek but cannot see
Supermarket workers helping those who shout the most
Try their best to find a jar of spread to spread on toast

But all the angry faces glaring at the empty...

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My old gran had an ice cream van
And a bright green cape and a madcap plan
She’s out to save her fellow man
And with her walking frame, she can

Each night she prowls the felon’s range
Disturbing owls and foxes
She takes the van so she can change 
For...

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When you hit life’s low
in deep confusion
of which it seemed no end,
I recall you thanking God
for one’s family also I
your grandson a very good friend.
Whilst your body racked with pain
torment you could not hide
an instance of loving charms,
when from your heart
a welcome sincere
within ever open...

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Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King

It barely made the papers, just local news in...

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It’s heading for our planet at ten thousand miles an hour
To stop it all the experts say we haven’t got the power
All the nukes in all the world won’t constitute a plan
So someone said, ‘All we can do is call on Turbo Gran.’

The call went...

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Gran
I’m at me Gram’s for tea tonight
She’ll have the fire stoked up nice
Run me a bath and make me tea
She likes to fuss and look after me
I walk through the door an I’m unwrapped
Scarf, Hat, Gloves hands round face clasped
She smells of Lavender and Mint...

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I was just a child,
My heart did not know pain.
But I returned from school one day
My world never was the same

I learned that you had left us,
To join with the angels high above,
And the bitter tears fell down pale cheeks
In contrast with sweet love.

My heart...

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When you're burgling, awareness is best;
When he saw her, he thought 'twas in jest.
Forgetting the shih tzu,
Or Granny's jujitsu,
Both his shirt and some charges were pressed.

Theft and laundering just do not pay,
Not when Granny is holding the spray.
Got starched for his error,
He stiffened in terror;
Slapped...

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[For those of you unfamiliar with the Ice Cream Gran saga,
Ice Cream Gran or Turbo Gran is a crime fighting granny.
Guess what she drives…..]

               ****

Ice Cream Gran, in her ice cream...

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Christmas eve night coming home
When grand marketing is done
Foot stepping high over stony loam
Heart panting for the merry fun
Suddenly the noise is not the same
The humming of figuring tongues
Changed to bush crackling with flame
The frantic scream of happy lungs
The scampering glee of feet, and there
The...

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The Melter Man, the Melter Man, he upsets kids for fun
And when they've been to Ice Cream Gran, his fun has just begun
He’ll kill their ice creams pronto, like they’ve left them in the sun
By melting them to nothing, with his crazy melter gun

The Melter...

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Turbo Gran’s Zimmer is right by her side
Her head is tipped back and her mouth open wide
Time was she saved every human alive
On land or in flight or a deep ocean dive

The armchair recliner impossibly old
Just get a new one, she’s often been told
She never...

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Who snored the loudest was open to question
But each would deny such an insane suggestion
The phone rang just once and she opened one eye
‘Up you get, Nitro, we gotta fly.’

Nitro Cat yawned and he leapt from her lap
His eyes still half closed from his over-short...

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Two weeks of sun at Xmas and new year
Palm Oasis in our nineteenth year
Always a joy around the pool we sat
Never did we think to make a friend
Called Boris the cat

The old chap was friendly and his nose had seen many battles
We called him Boris...

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“Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while…but our hearts forever.” —Unknown

With eyes bright, azure like the skies
Welcoming me to be with her, 
Twinkling, sparkling, shining with love
Love so wise, so warm – whispering
Wonders beyond my comprehension,
Wonders of light, hope, happiness – love
That...

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