Best Butt Poems

My butt crack 
Is quite a split 
It supports the rest of me 
when I sit 
you thought I was gonna say something else didn't you ?

My butt crack 
Is a marvel to behold 
It was cute when I was young 
but now offensive since...

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On Halloween night I will strut
Dressed like Jabba the Hut
     Many sweets I will eat
     As it is trick or treat
And double the size of my butt...

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I’m lunching with my bestie Mylie
She’s upset and no longer smiley
I ask her what’s wrong
She said in my thong
My bottom is no match for Kylie!

I giggled and said stop your moans
You're perfect not like Bridget Jones
There will be no snickers
At your thong or knickers
We cannot...

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I visited Doctor Longdong 
Told doc something’s terribly wrong 
The pain in my hip
Is giving me gyp
He said it was caused by my thong!

I admit I’ve put on some weight
Can’t resist cream cakes on my plate 
My ‘EX’ boyfriend was rude …
So I’m in a...

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Her belly reminds me of Buddha
Huge boobies just like a cow’s udder
From her mouth hangs a cig
She does not give a fig -
I’m thankful that she’s not MY Mudda! 

Title refers to the cigarette butt hanging from her mouth

10/26/18...

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At Peter’s head I had to stare ...
His hairpiece was made of butt hair
It kept blowing off
I started to scoff
I’m gasping to get some fresh air!

Inspired by the picture posted by Anne-Lise for her poem 'Hair in the soup' and an old joke about butt...

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A true vision of loveliness, wiggle-bouncing down the street
Just the sight at times incites a spontaneous victory dance
Particularly when it’s in tight bike shorts perched upon a seat
And I don’t forget the way it flatters your yoga pants

It’s been with us through all our days,...

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My butt is just so damn big
10 Irish men could do a jig
5 truckers could park their rig
16 Miners could plan a dig
9 drummers could perform a gig
2 Elephants could take a swig
22 college kids could do their trig
If only I’d eat less like a...

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I was with my girlfriend at dinner
With each bite she took, she got thinner
Until she was just skin and bone
I blinked twice and I was alone
I then woke up, lying next to her...

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It has become painfully obvious that the only way to be heard
is to pay through the nose to be a lifetime nerd,
the way to be read in on this sight 
is to pay through the nose with disdain-unslight 
the drivel/dribble practicum that is profound in...

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Basking on the sun-lit ice.
Walrus mumble filled with hype.
Today I haven't a thing to do
(that's nice)
But fish, butt-wipe, butt you....

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Ned was grandma's billy goat, 
The meanest goat in town; 
Every time you crossed his path, 
He'd try to butt you down!

Buddy was our neighbor, 
A twisted lil' teen; 
He always nagged that billy goat, 
For that's what made him mean!

Fate caught up to Buddy,...

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A boob man I could be.
Yours do titillate me,  
so jiggly and bouncy. 
The two of them and me,
a love triangle we.

But your butt's what sends me 
skyward.  My ecstasy 
comes when I get to see 
that vertical cleft be 
creased horizontally. ...

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When my mother was at the age of thirteen,
A dirty old man asked her to come clean,
He invited her over so she could make a few bucks
When she arrived he was in a black tucks
He was the neighbor across the street,
His wife was at work...

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I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my butt and I don't know what I'm going to do.
When I went to the hospital, the doctors and nurses laughed.
They were in hysterics from laughter and they called...

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