Xiao Ling

XIAO LING I wish I knew you well ?, I wish I knew what is in your heart ? I stepped out of my bleak, four cornered room on Sunday. I stepped out from my sterile four walled prison to day, walked with the sun on my face, warming the hours, as I walked with the Ghost of you in my arm, you, leaning into me like you used to do. Visions of your beauty, your lovely face graced the blue skies before me, taking me to heavenly places I once knew, with you. I saw the essence in you, dancing upon the face of Mother Nature, Mother Earth with such joy as your Ghost and I walked hand in hand along the dikes (both sides) of the River Pitt with thoughts of you and I and all we once shared, carrying me through the pain, the tears I shed like falling rain drenching the earth beneath my feet. Soggy, thoughts that we might meet once again this time, you could feel for me, as I feel for you. I watched the sun gaze passed the cloud cover, wash away the ugliness, expose the whiteness, turn the grey snow, caped mountain tops into a clean blanket, gleaming white and I began to wonder ?, if I will know, no more grey skies. Will white snow fill my eyes ?, as I walk with the Beautiful Ghost of you, in my arm, leaning against me like you used to do . B. J. "A" 2 March 24th 2011 You know Xiao Ling, there is so much I would have loved to have done with and for you. I guess?, now that you have others to do for you, I will never again, know the pleasures of giving to you all that I was capable of, all that you would allow me. It saddens me Xiao Ling, to think that I will never again get to do even the little things for you . Gone are the the oppertunities !,?, like the sun, behind the storm clouds ( your anger, your disappointments ) that have been hovering above my head like bombers waiting to drop their load on me, to watch them explode on me . I am so very SORRY Xiao LIng, for every mistake, for every discouraging, disparaging remark / word that came from out of my mouth, for every act ( kissing, hugging, caressing, touching, etc., etc. )that upset you so . I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me . You have a great life ! LOVE BILL .