Without You

I was just 15, 15 would have just been 15 if 15 was without you. You, were a lonely butterfly gliding among the empty meadow. We first met as kids in church, the corridor at the end of the stairs was our quiet corner from where we would look down at the busy road and argue which car was ours, You would try to thrutch your head through the window protector and as always, I would want to show you how better at thrutching I was than you, then my head would stick to it, and you would, as always, laugh at how big my head was. Slowly like nestlings, we became a flock of our own. I remember how we would bang at the uncouth old man's door and run away like scared rats when he opens the door, I remember being the victim of his hard whoops. Every Saturday evening, I would walk you down to your castle and we would talk about all your luxurious activities during the week and the half glass of water I had to drink during the week. You used to say that you felt the most comfortable with the way I made you laugh, Soon, we had to watch those evenings walk passed us like calm breeze. February 27, 2021 was a Saturday I would never let to slip out of my memories, I told you, goodbye, but you turned bright pink as you asked me, won't you, kiss me? My lips didn't wait to tell you yes with the next action, at that moment there was no cage standing next to my shoulders, no weight, gravity lost memory of me, in my mind I was floating in the quietness of space, nothing can separate us now But then, days walked out of the door and days came in, and we had to walk away from each other, big birds now, we no longer need the other to fly, we thought. You told me, “I would come back to you", And I waited, like a watchman waiting for sunrise. You called me weeks later to tell me you are now in college, ‘Congratulations' escaped out of my sad heart, in my heart, I began to wonder, how Saturday evenings would be now, who would hold my hand while crossing the busy road, who would love me like you did... I was an empty boat at the middle of a wide ocean, like a flower in a once garden now turned desert, I begged for water. Then you came back to me, but not alone, you came back with a boy, and I smiled like I meant it, like I was happy but I wasn't. Now, we are big birds, you are the flock bird with a stronger bird by your side, I am the lone eagle who decides to write this poem for you. Now, the uncouth old man doesn't have to worry about getting my ass whooped, he can go to sleep now. The window protectors are missing our heads, they ask me of you and I tell them you're on your way. These scars you see on my skin, are not from crawling my way out of the thorns of loneliness even if I am, these scars you see on my skin, they are from me flying without you.