Wasted in Love

Loving keeps me wasted Just so I don’t see my own face again Crying in the mirror  Letting the tears fall Wishing for your call  Even though you were the one who put me at fault I guess I’m not sorry I got caught But I am sorry it has been so much of why we fought  I really thought that this was it for us in the end I really didn’t ever want you to just be a friend Every day I am hoping that we can mend  But you are parallel, wishing for us to end For that last goodbye to finally send Because you hate hearing me vent Even though I believe we are not broken, just bent Plus, I will repent for my sins Is this love lost or found? The voices in my head are loud And I can’t find you in this crowd I just hope that you are proud.  Escaping accountability, it is killing me The blame you have secretly shifted to my suitcase The baggage is profound.  You know the English language  As well as a baby knows what crying is You talk in circles  Making me believe  That it has always been me That is breaking us And I should never of been  Changing myself To be someone else But isn’t that what you have told me to do? If every action I make And every breath I struggle to take Is somehow wrong to you? And I want your love desperately  It holds me like a noose  So then why would I not try to be  What you say you like Instead it becomes another fight I’m sorry that the sky is blue As if I willed it so And I can’t let my emotions show Or they will be weaponized Purely to be used as a way to help you disguise  The reality that I am the slave And you the master In this game I didn’t even realize you…. No I started.  This life that I have created And now somehow we both hate it  But sure let’s go a round again Maybe we are at a carnival  And your fabrications are the carousel  Wistfully carrying me around the same little circle Until you find the next thing that you will use To somehow convince me That I am a fool And I am the reason the sun itself came out today  As well as why it will rain in the late afternoon. Blame and responsibility are my demons to bear And my coffins that I carry As I feel I should be buried in them To escape the fate  I feel I await In which I am just crazy And you are the saint Who just wanted to “fix me” But I broke us in the end Isn’t that your story? Little red riding hood eventually saw the truth So my only suggestion to me and to you? Don’t eat the other alive Since nobody can see the disguise  Of who is actually the wolf And not grandma.