the competition

(this is another throw-back - a piece of writing, from high school, used in my Yale applications) I pound the pillow, curse the clock and mock injunctions to rest. The sun finally rises and its rays slantwise fall through the curtains as I dry my hair. A meal, like a forced dose, we soak ourselves in wasted, nervous time. Finally! We arrive at the competition... Tension is here and tireless pressure. The players waiting stiff as straw, tongues playing over dry lips. Teachers and coaches unapologetic in their pallor. Music drifts behind us and occasionally gasps as imperfections play like daring circus tricks. The sparkling prodigy returns disappointed, grimace of a smile, stricken, he stares away as we search for words, oh! clumsy, unrepairable prince! Suddenly, its time and I wonder why we are hurrying, feeling weak, momentarily frightened to go there. On this stage in this great, hushed hall, enormity suddenly dawns with mass enough to crush me. At last, I sit before this odd Steinway music machine - my dearest mechanical friend. A tremble resisted - the reward of mortal afternoons - endless practices fruit. Eyes closed I prepare my best self - pushing all fear, all doubt, to the margins - and begin. I hope, to recreate, one note at a time, Chopin's ancient impact - with hands flying, like tethered birds, I hammer out his timeless melody explosions, his streams of crazily exact math exam fiery semiquaver motions.. then, almost suddenly, I'm done. I stand, joyously, nearly crying.. The world hasn't ended. . . A song for this: 12 Etudes, Op. 10: No. 4 in C-Sharp Minor by Vladimir Ashkenazy Part of Your World by Emile Pandolfi We gather together by Emile Pandolfi . . I thought I was going to be a concert pianist once - before covid. Did you know there are piano recital competitions? I wasn't a prodigy, I practiced endlessly, only to lose, eventually to one of the prodigies. I competed in 7 'big ones,' two were international, and I came in second every time. My joke was, "I'm the second-best pianist in any room. I only switched my goals (to medicine - sort of the family business) when that fell through (Thanks, one more time, covid).